The Toughest Questions Singles Ask

Answers to five vexing questions from the unmarried set

The growing number of single women in our world today have more freedoms and opportunities than this demographic ever has experienced. But that doesn't mean they aren't occasionally hounded by struggles—or haunted by tough questions. For example, why is this such a growing demographic? And what are they supposed to do with occasional lonely feelings—year after year?

For answers to some of the most challenging of these queries, we turned to Virginia McInerney, a single woman who's a regular speaker at her megachurch in Ohio, and who wrote Single Not Separate (Charisma House), which tackles these and many other difficult singleness issues head-on. Here's her frank, insightful take on five of the toughest questions singles ask:

1. What do I do if I'm angry with God because he hasn't given me a spouse?

A while ago the Lord began to deal with me about my own anger toward him over my singleness. Frustration had been building inside me, and I wanted to blame God. After all, in his sovereignty, this was what he'd chosen, or allowed, for me—and I didn't like it. I knew I had to admit to my anger, but I was afraid to do so. I thought, I can't express that to God … I mean, this is God we're talking about! I can't yell at him.

But then one day several things in my life went wrong in rapid succession, and I blew up. As I drove to a church seminar, of all things, I started to yell at God. Between my angry words, I apologized, "I'm sorry I feel this way. You have every right to strike me with a bolt of lightning. But this is how I feel."

The Bible says God desires truth in our innermost being (Psalm 51:6). Finally I was telling God the truth about how I felt. Even though I was seeing the situation in a wrong light, it had to come up and out, since God is the only one who could right my thinking and diffuse my anger. By stuffing my anger inside, I'd really been turning my back on him.

I'm not condoning anger with God. But we can't just pretend it isn't there. We can't make it go away by a sheer act of will. Acknowledging it by being honest is the starting point. Confession follows. Then God forgives us and cleanses us (1 John 1:9).

Great people of faith—such as Moses, Job, and David—experienced anger toward God, too. Thankfully, he understands our humanity, and he's merciful.

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