Language Lessons

To be a successful lover, you have to communicate with and without words.

"What does my spouse complain about most often?" Our complaints reveal our deepest desires. Suzanne complained, "We don't have time for each other. We don't talk." Quality Time was her love language.

"What does my spouse request most often?" If your spouse routinely asks, "Would you help me make the bed?" "Would you give the children a bath tonight?" then Acts of Service may be his or her primary love language.

You need three things to be a successful lover.

1. Information. What is your spouse's love language?

2. Will. Love is an active choice.

3. Frequency. Use your spouse's primary language to express love regularly.

It took Suzanne nine months of counseling to work through the hurt, neglect, and lack of empathy she felt from Mark. But eventually their marriage was reborn.

"If anyone told me I could have loving feelings for him again, I would have never believed it," Suzanne told me. "But I do. He's speaking my language," she said, smiling. Learn to speak your spouse's love language and you too can live with a smiling mate!

Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D., a marriage and relationship expert and best-selling author of numerous books, including The Five Love Languages (Moody) and Covenant Marriage (Broadman & Holman), lives in North Carolina.

Free CT Women Newsletter

Sign up today for our weekly newsletter: Marriage & Family Newsletter. CT's weekly newsletter to help women grow their marriage and family relationships through biblical principles.

Communication; Marriage; Needs
Today's Christian Woman, Spring, 2004
Posted September 12, 2008

Read These Next

For Further StudyFor Further StudyDownloadable resources to go deeper


Join in the conversation on Facebook or Twitter

May 25

Follow Us

More Newsletters