Scheduling Sex

Putting sex on the calendar makes it a date to remember!

When a couple can agree upon a basic schedule for sex in marriage, it takes the guesswork out. While this still leaves room for occasional spontaneity, it reassures the higher-sex-drive mate that it will happen, and not only that—they know when! Usually the schedule is less often than the partner with a higher desire would want and more frequent than the partner with a lesser desire may want. Instead, it's meeting on middle ground.

It increases desire

For the partner with a diminished desire, scheduling sex engages the brain, the largest sex organ in the human body. The brain needs to be clued to prepare the body for a sexual response. Most people who have a lower sexual drive simply don't think about sex very often. Scheduling jumpstarts this process.

Once sex is on the calendar, it provides a reminder to think about sex, prepares us mentally for being together physically, and primes us to "get in the mood."

When I complained to a friend about having trouble getting in the mood, she said, "Jill, you're trying to go from making meatloaf to making love in 30 seconds flat? You can't do that. You have to have a strategy for going from point A to point B."

Rarely does the partner with an increased desire need to get "in the mood." In contrast, the partner with a lesser desire may need to work at it. When sex is on the calendar, though, it serves as a prompt to set strategies in motion. Scheduling sex reminds spouses that they're working together toward the goal of intimacy, valuing their appointed rendezvous, and doing whatever it takes to make it happen.

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May 25

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