For Richer or Poorer
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Like a lot of folks today, times are lean in our household. Charlie and I watch every penny … as it rushes out the door to keep some creditor at bay. It wasn't always this way for us. Four years ago, we opened a Christian business and enjoyed the bounty of being paid well for hard work. Our income rose over six figures and we loved giving our toddler son vacations to Florida and trips to see the grandparents while doing work that would further God's kingdom and put Truth into the marketplace.
We weren't wise enough to put back money in case a rainy day dashed our sunshine. We grew up in a generation that's only known sunny days. We didn't listen to the sound words of Christian financial advisors like Dave Ramsey and start an emergency fund. We simply didn't think a financial emergency of this magnitude would happen to us. We're Christians; we have that veil of protection, right?
But the trips and ease came to a crashing halt in August 2008. That was the month our biggest client didn't pay his $20,000 bill—a bill we'd counted on to get us through the end of the year as well as supply Christmas presents for our son.
And then came September. No check.
October. No check.
November. No check.
Bills piled up. Creditors began calling. As I entered the hospital in October to give birth to our second child, I cried tears of fear and frustration. How would we afford diapers for this new little one when we could barely afford the family we already had? Why were we working as hard as ever, but without two nickels to rub together?
Divided, We Fall
Suddenly, we'd become those people. You know the ones I'm talking about: the ones who don't pay their bills on time. The ones who get reported to collections agencies. The ones whose credit scores can be mistaken for shoe sizes. The ones who obviously have no integrity about themselves or they wouldn't be in such a financial mess.
We cried out to God. We pleaded forgiveness for our ineptitude at saving for just such an occurrence. We resolved to be better stewards if we were ever given a second chance. We kept waiting for things to get better—working and waiting, waiting and working. I told my husband no Christmas presents for me. He gave me the one thing he could afford: a love letter written in his own hand.
I've seen marriages fall apart over debt. According to debt expert Howard Dvorkin, "Fifty percent of all marriages end in dissolution and the number one reason for that is financial pressures." Now, living under a mountain of such pressure, I can understand why. Charlie and I have yelled, cried, shaken our heads, quit, come back, quit again, and gone to bed silently seething. We aren't truly mad at each other. We're at a loss about what to do with the six figures of debt we face. We want the other one to whip out a miracle wand and make it all go away. He hates feeling helpless. I hate feeling insecure.
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Mark
And women initiate over 70% of those divorces. Women don't seem to take, "for richer or poorer" seriously, whether they are Christian or not.
Brian
Very timely article for me, as a new coordinator of my church's Marriage enrichment ministry, I've chosen to start our new year with communication and finances. I plan to read your article to open our October meeting since we will be handing out a financial survey for a later November lesson and we just completed a lesson on communication. I think your article will speak to the heart of what a envision is the message God wants me to carry forward. Communication is so key in Marriage especially in tough financial seasons. I was good to hear a real world example and how we should stick to our faith and works in adverse marital situations
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