No More Entitlement
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Driving down Preston Road, I was dutifully transporting children to school with my then-14-year-old son sitting shotgun, when I learned how this kid defines the American Dream. As is typical of this particular area in Dallas, we were surrounded by opulence: on our left was a Lexus, on our right a Porsche, and directly in front a silver Maserati.
"Mom." Abandoning his pose of boredom, my son perked up. "Which one of those do you think I'd look best in? I think the Porsche … Yeah. That's what car I'm going to get when I'm sixteen."
Fighting back nausea, I looked at him. "What planet are you on? And how do you think you will pay for one of those cars?" A question I knew had no answer, since his primary activity involves a screen and remote control.
Who is raising this kid? I thought. Is materialism and money all he thinks about? Where have all my words of wisdom gone? The hours of volunteer service, the countless lectures on being content with what you have, and all the brilliant soliloquies I've delivered on the fact that "stuff" will never really satisfy you—has none of that penetrated his brain?
After dropping him off, I passed through the last school zone on my way home and dialed my sister-in-law, who is also one of my best friends. Not only did I need to vent my frustration, I needed reassurance that I wasn't crazy and that there is a light at the end of this self-centered teenager tunnel. She delivered on the former but couldn't help much with the latter because she has a few slackers of her own. After we exchanged similar stories, I had a sobering epiphany.
"I think I'm raising little socialists," I said, "the serve-me kind that are numb to the benefits of ingenuity and hard work, the kind that don't just need to be taken care of—they expect it."
And why not? That's what I have apparently been raising them to expect. In that moment and in the days that followed, I came to realize that not one of my five children knew how to do their own laundry. Not one could clean a bathroom—I mean, really clean it. Not one could cook, serve, and clean up after a full dinner. I wasn't sure my eight-year old could even cut his waffles.
Ugh!
To be fair, my children can do a lot of amazing things. They are genuinely great kids. But they'd been getting a sweet free ride, especially in their home life. With me stepping in and doing for them—rarely, if ever, putting genuine responsibilities on their plate—they didn't have a chance to realize their potential.
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Millie
Thank you for this article. I needed it, especially because I always end up doubting myself. Was I too harsh, do I expect too much of her, is she capable of assuming her responsibilities? It completely reinforces my conversation with my 11 year old this morning. It's a daily battle but I can't give up because if I do then I really failed as a mother.
annie
I absolutely LOVED this! I grew up in a house where all 9 of us children completed our homework right after school, then had specific rotating chores after dinner. On Saturdays, we were all out in the yard taking care of chores: weeding, mowing, raking, washing the cars, and made sure our rooms (and the bathrooms!) were up to snuff before we were able to run off with friends. Now, as a parent, I look at my own kids and wonder what happened! They have no sense of responsibility, no sense of personal pride, no idea what real “hard work” is, and not only does my heart break for them, but now I see that it’s partially my fault! I’m grateful for this eye-opener! Because of my love for my children–albeit previously misdirected– I will now be teaching by better example, encouraging, admonishing, but allowing them to learn and grow by doing–and failing, and getting up and doing again! These children are our future! We NEED them to learn and grow, and to learn by trial and error, like WE did!
KARINA J CREEK
Hi, Just wondering whether we are able to download the digital version of the latest (2012 Sept/October) edition of Today's Christian Woman. I certainly hope so - it makes it very difficult to read when it is not all in the one document. Hope you can help. Kind regards, Karina
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