Christa Black is a self-described "dreamer," a whimsical vocalist and composer whose songs have garnered impressive accolades, including the composition of "One Thing Remains," an award-winning worship song made famous by Jesus Culture that recently hit number one on the Billboard Christian charts. With such creativity, one would think she would be a romantic as well. But early in her career, while touring with Michael W. Smith, she scoffed at the idea of love at first sight. So the irony of meeting her husband, Lucas, wasn't lost on her.
"I had just got done telling Michael that love at first sight doesn't happen anymore—I wanted it to, but I knew it wasn't real," Christa says. "The next week, it happened to me. When I first met Lucas, he shook my hand and knew. He went out, called his mom, and said, 'I just met my future wife.'"Looking back on that first meeting, Christa realizes it wasn't just happenstance. Her marriage and subsequent motherhood were part of God's healing from a past of abuse, eating disorders, and performance addiction. Prior to meeting Lucas, Christa had started blogging about her struggles, and a mutual friend of theirs suggested to Lucas that he read the blog. After six years of marriage, Christa realizes how deeply Lucas has been part of her healing journey.
"Lucas is very anchored and he such a rock," Christa says. "I am such a dreamer, so our balance is beautiful. He just loved me. His consistency of saying, 'You are a wreck, but I still love you,' is what helped change me. He was the hands and feet of Jesus in the midst of my issues."
Healing from sexual abuse
Christa's issues—self-loathing, insecurity and perfectionism—resulted from sexual trauma. She has early memories of being sexually abused by a worker at her mom's furniture store, and despite growing up in a loving Christian home with her pastor dad, mom, and brother, the abuse ignited feelings of shame and unworthiness.
To compensate for feeling dirty and unlovable, she became a "performance addict," excelling academically, musically, and always trying to achieve socially. She believed she was ugly and needed to have the perfect body. By the time she was a teenager, she was binging and purging regularly. She continued in that cycle for years, hiding her eating disorder from friends and family.
One night, she called home when she had reached the end of herself. She was exhausted by her struggle and without the strength to live, but she lacked the courage to actually kill herself. She entered treatment in a rehab facility and wrote music as part of her healing.
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For Further StudyDownloadable resources to go deeper
- Carolyn Custis James: What It Means to Be a Woman in MinistryeBook Format Available! Author and speaker Carolyn Custis James offers leadership insights for women.