The Freedom of Failure

I recently received an email from a dear friend who's serving as a missionary in the Middle East. She's been great about staying in touch and I, well I haven't been.

So she wrote to find out what was wrong. Had something changed in our relationship? Had she offended me somehow or was I not supportive of the work she's doing overseas? She probably asked me a few other questions, but I couldn't read much farther through my increasingly weepy eyes.

She hadn't done a thing wrong. The problem was me. On the surface, it seemed I'd let the busyness of life get in the way of this precious friendship. But what really happened is I lost sight of who I really am. I'd told myself I'd respond to her email, return her phone call, send her support letter when I had more time to think about them.

I like to think of myself as a conscientious person who takes good care of her friends. But the truth is my failings - my laziness, my disorganization, my misplaced priorities - seem to get the best of me more often than I care to admit.

When that happens, I can't get out of the ruts I've created for myself in not knowing my limits, not sticking to my plans, not following through. Unfortunately, the deeper those ruts get, the more overwhelming they seem. And the more overwhelmed I am, the less inclined I am to operate from my "better" self and instead let the lazy, disorganized part of me take the lead.

So I let weeks - that quickly turn into months - slip by between an email from a friend and my response. Or I figure it's been so long since that friend called me that she's either forgotten about it or is so hurt that she doesn't want to hear from me.

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