Sex seem like it's the same old thing? Does it feel frustrating at times? What you don't know about sex can hurt you and your spouse! In our more than 35 years (combined) counseling couples, researching sexuality, and training other Christian therapists, we've discovered human sexuality continues to develop and reveal new information. Here are seven "biggies" about sex that most couples don't know.
1. Initiating sex isn't the only way to express sexual desire.
Although 80 percent of couples report that the husband wants sex more often than his wife, this may be a skewed number—partly because of the way we define sexual desire. Most of us typically think of sexual desire as a hunger for sex—often with sexual thoughts or fantasies—that prompts us to initiate sex.
It turns out, however, that most women experience a receptive type of sexual desire. Twenty years of research confirms that for many women desire is "triggered" by thoughts and emotions arising during sexual excitement, not before. So when a husband becomes frustrated because he wants his wife to pursue him sexually and he believes that she has no interest in sex because she doesn't do that, he's actually not giving her enough credit! Most women will respond positively to sexual advances—they just don't initiate them because that's not the way they were designed.
Since our culture defines sexual desire as that initiating/seeking behavior, we don't identify a women's receptivity as desire. But men and women (usually) respond to different types of sexual stimuli and approach differently their sexuality.1