Pain Tolerance

I like to fix things. Or, rather, I like to fix people. Someone comes to me with a problem, and I want to make it better—now. But lately, I've watched several friends live through terrible situations: crumbling marriages, failing careers, dying children, withering spirits. And I can't do a thing to make them better.

'I grew up in a Swedish family that didn't do well with emotion, particularly "negative" emotions such as sadness, anger, frustration, grief. The Scandinavian way is to push through and do whatever's necessary regardless of feelings. Added to that mindset is my generation's belief that talking about a problem long enough will make it better. As if those propensities weren't enough, I always want to be the friend who gives the best advice, who comes through and saves the day. So because of my Swedish instinct to run from pain, my Gen X desire to discuss a problem's every nuance, and my chronic need to help, I tend to rush people through life's hard parts. As I listen to these friends whose spouses are leaving or whose parents are sick or whose jobs are gone, I have to work hard to keep my mouth shut and my ears open. 'My heritage, age, and personality aren't the only factors that make patience with pain a struggle for me. My faith—at least, the Christian culture surrounding my faith—has done little to help me develop pain tolerance. And I'm not the only one. Anyone who's gone through a difficult situation knows the least helpful words often come from Christians. When my friend suffered a miserable breakup and then saw a promising job offer fall through, the last thing she needed to hear was all this ickiness befell her because "God has something better in store." Yet a well-meaning mutual friend told her exactly that. And it did the opposite of help.

Member access onlyYou have reached the end of this Article Preview
To continue reading, join now for free and get complete access.
orJoin Now for Free

Read more articles that highlight writing by Christian women at

Free CT Women Newsletter

Sign Up For Our weekly Newsletter CT's weekly newsletter to help women grow their marriage and family relationships through biblical principles.

Read These Next

  • The Purpose of LossMember Access Only
    It seems such a painful reminder, but God has designed everything to make us remember that when we lose everything, he is still there.
  • 9 Secrets Pastors KeepMember Access Only
    What your pastor isn’t telling you


Join in the conversation on Facebook or Twitter

Follow Us

More Newsletters