Let's face it. Fantasies happen. No, not the kind of fantasies you're thinking about, but how about these?
- Zzzzzzzzz …. I'm so [yawn] sleepy!
- After I check off "have sex with spouse," to-do list conquered!
- Has she ever heard of a new position?
- Is that all he knows for foreplay?
- We really need to paint this bedroom.
- Is that the puppy/toddler/baby monitor breathing by the doorway? I thought I heard something.
Fess up. Are you cringing? Yeah, me too. Sometimes sex gets lost in the shuffle of senseless schedules and tangled in the unfolded towels. Frankly, it seems an effort. Couples generally have three basic reactions to a bad case of the bedroom blues:
Resignation. When we choose this one, we view sex as something to do and just get over. Worse, we slide into a pit where the thoughts in its depths aren't pretty. Things are always going to be this way, so why bother? God wouldn't want me to be this unhappy. Maybe we're just wrong for each other. So we drift into roommate status with bedroom privileges that we care nothing about.
Radioactivity. This makes sex toxic. We might introduce fantasies or bring pornography into our bedrooms, buying into the world's view that anything different spices up our marriage and brings adventure into the bedroom. We dangerously compare our marriages, spouses, love lives to everyone else's seeming superiority.
Someone in either of the above stages is ripe for an affair.
Rejuvenation. We could choose to use a dull time in our love lives to reinvent it, to refresh ourselves, and restore our closeness. Remember whose idea sex was? That's right, it was God's. I'm not sure why, but we Christians tend to be shocked by such a reminder. And he's on your side for sweetening your love life.1