As I walk through Holy Week this year, I have to admit I am a little nervous. Every year I eagerly anticipate these final steps on the path to Easter Sunday, and relish the chance to walk through Christ’s final days as part of the local and global church. But this year is different. I have spent the past few months walking alongside friends experiencing doubt, and understanding what doubt looks like in my own faith. As Holy Week has drawn closer, a small part of me has been wondering if the celebration of Christ’s victory over death will lose its power over the unresolved questions floating around in my head.
As I have engaged doubt I have at times seen the cross in muted colors. Prayer, worship, communion—they all begin to feel like going through the motions, like these practices have lost some of their power when I cannot put the full force of faith behind them. It is so tempting to believe that my belief defines reality.
When my church gathers around the communion table, these words are often part of our liturgy: “We come to this table not because we are full of faith, but because he is faithful.” They come from 2 Timothy 2:13: “If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is.” Every time I speak them, they fill me with hope. They remind me that God isn’t limited by my understanding of him. I’ve come to realize that there is no need to fear doubt. We go through this process so we can know him better and to see his reality more fully. These words are humbling, and they are comforting. They provide us something to cling to in times of uncertainty.1