When Loneliness Threatens Your Marriage

Strategies for finding joy

It's one thing to be lonely when you are single, wondering if and when God will ever bring the right guy. It's another matter for your heart to ache with loneliness when the "right guy" is living in your home and sleeping in your bed. If this is your reality, please know that you are not alone. Behind the façade of busyness and family life, many married women are desperately lonely.

Marriage books are filled with advice on how to bridge the chasm between you and your husband. Working to resolve conflicts, finding common interests, and learning to date your husband are all practical suggestions that can make a difference in your marriage. However, there are some marriages in which no strategies appear to make a difference. It may even seem like you and your husband are destined to merely share space and live as distant roommates.

Loneliness is perhaps the deepest ache our souls can experience. The grief of losing a loved one, the fear of abandonment, and the sting of rejected love all tap into the same bedrock fear: I am all alone.

Feeling lonely in marriage exposes subtle lies we've believed—lies like:

  • If only you find "Prince Charming," you'll never have to be alone.
  • Obey God and he will give you a fulfilling marriage.
  • As long as you're married, you'll never have to feel the rejection you felt growing up.
What will you do with your sadness, disillusionment, and fear? Will you run away from God or run to him?

If you are in this place of marital loneliness, then you are facing a fork in the road. Before you is a choice: What will you do with your sadness, disillusionment, and fear? Will you run away from God or run to him?

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Juli Slattery

Juli Slattery is a TCW regular contributor and blogger. A widely known clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and broadcast media professional, she co-founded Authentic Intimacy and is the co-author of Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love Are You Making?

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