Better Sex Begins in the Brain

How to think your way to greater intimacy
Better Sex Begins in the Brain
Image: MONKEY BUSINESS IMAGES / SHUTTERSTOCK

When I survey the headlines and images in articles offering sex advice, I sometimes feel like I’ve dropped into an episode of Girls Gone Wild. Titles like “How to Be the Best He’s Ever Had” and “The 10 Types of Female Orgasms” leave me feeling embarrassed or even a bit disgusted. Yet I realize that such raunchy depictions of sex are only a narrow and distorted snapshot of the beautiful mural of our divinely created sexuality.

Even if you are completely satisfied with your sex life, what is presented as “normal” in our pornified culture still may leave you feeling uncomfortable. And if you struggle with sexual desire, arousal, or enjoyment, the assault of articles promising things like “three tips for mind-blowing orgasm” can produce feelings of shame, inadequacy, and failure.

The disconnect between a woman’s personal experience and the ecstatic depictions of sex in the media can leave her feeling like and outsider who doesn’t belong in that world of sexual pleasure.

The truth remains that God created us intentionally and uniquely as sexual beings. We are made to experience sexual intimacy and connection. In fact, God made the female body with a sexual organ—the clitoris—with no function or purpose outside of pleasure!

Sometimes, however, the gift of sexual pleasure seems elusive, like the proverbial carrot being held just beyond our reach.

If you’ve felt that way, you are not alone. Many people struggle with sexual desire, arousal, pleasure, and orgasm, and in my counseling in this area I emphasize the reality that sex is a whole body experience. I encourage women to try a few new strategies, not as a quick fix but to help them open up to the possibility of greater sexual enjoyment and marital intimacy.

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May 25

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