Today's Christian Woman

"Why can't I stop eating?"
Thousands of U.S. women ask themselves this question every day as they desperately struggle to gain control over food and lose weight. Excessive eating is the most prevalent eating disorder in our society. While most of us overeat on occasion, and many feel we eat more than we should, food addicts feel powerless to stop the constant cycle of bingeing—eating that involves large amounts of food in a short period of time. Such was the case with Cynthia, who struggled in her relationship with food for more than 20 years before she found release and healing. Here's her story.—The Editors

I ate the whole pie.

I'd driven to the nearest grocery store that morning where I cruised through the bakery, selecting a cherry pie and a few other items. When I returned to an empty house—my husband was at work and my son was in school—I started pushing down my loneliness by shoving heaping tablespoons of pie into my mouth. When it was half gone, I hid the rest in our refrigerator vegetable bin and began the housework. At lunchtime, though I wasn't hungry, I nibbled some leftovers. Then, an hour later, I once again stood at the counter, spooning pie into my mouth. If I hurry, I told myself, I'll be able to finish it before the school bus drops my son at the house.

Today I'd eaten an entire pie. A few days ago it was a bag of cookies; before that, a cake. I just couldn't seem to control myself. Life had become a routine that began each morning with a mental review of the kitchen cabinets and refrigerator. And once I started to eat, I couldn't stop until I was almost ill.

My eating disorder began when I was 18. I had a strained relationship with my parents. One night I'd argued with my father over some insignificant matter and decided it was time to move out of the house. It wasn't an amicable parting: For the next eight months, my father refused to talk to me and discouraged my mother from having any contact with me. My school friends had moved away to attend college, I was struggling financially, and I was alone. The rejection and pain of that estrangement were almost unbearable.

My mother ate when she was upset, and soon I began to imitate her coping mechanism. It felt safer to stuff my mouth with food than to confront my father. I gained 30 pounds and was miserable. Though I eventually reconciled with my father, lost the excess weight, and returned home, the emotional bruising I sustained never healed.

My next heated disagreement with my father occurred three years later when he accused me of having sex with an old boyfriend who'd stopped by for a visit. Of course, that wasn't true! But my father was furious and told me I had 90 days to find another place to live. After that he refused to talk to me again—or even look at me. I again reconciled with my father, but soon we had another disagreement. He refused to talk to me for 10 years after that, during which time I married—and gained 40 pounds.

ratings & comments

Sarah Vickers

April 16, 2008  12:42pm

I do not consider myself a compulsive eater but, I have gained some weight in the last five years. As much as I would like to not admit it, My worst enemy is alcohol. I drink almost everyday, not to the point that I can not get out of bed to go to work but just to ease some tension from the day. Weekends can be a different story. When I wake up with a burn on my leg and don't even remember how I got it or I didn't even feel it when I did it. I really got disgusted with myself. I have started to slow down and not do it quite as much but, there are somedays that I feel like I just don't care. My children are all grown and gone, my grandchildren I can count on my one hand how many times I have seen them. I feel like I have so many demons and hang ups that alcohol dims the pain. I ask god to help but, sometimes I think he isn't listening or I can't hear him. Thanks for you article Sarah