Jump directly to the content
My Husband Was Addicted to Porn

My Husband Was Addicted to Porn

Could our marriage survive his compulsion?
Average Rating:
98 Comments

I have a confession to make: I've have been married to a sex addict for most of my 25-year marriage. For much of that time, I hid my shameful secret. I'd tell myself my husband, Paul, was normal, that every man was into pornography. All the while, I silently suffered tremendous damage to my self-worth, blaming myself for my husband's problem.

I never caught Paul looking at pornographic magazines, watching x-rated movies, or surfing pornographic Web sites. Instead, I found out by his own admission. Since he was a Christian while involved in these activities, his guilt eventually got to him—and he had to confess.

When I finally stopped denying the seriousness of his addiction, life seemed unmanageable. How could I cope with my crippling emotions of pain, anger, and shame? How could we go on? I needed answers—but didn't know where to turn.

When Paul and I married, I wasn't a Christian yet, and Paul had become one just a month before we wed. When I finally accepted Christ, our marriage should have followed the "happily ever after" route. But we learned the hard way that becoming a believer doesn't automatically eradicate your family inheritance.

When Paul was 10 years old, his father left his mother for the neighbor down the street. Paul's mother went back to work, leaving him unsupervised with his two teenage brothers, who introduced him to porn. When Paul became a teen, he became sexually active. Sex made him feel cared about; it replaced the care and concern he missed at home.

Paul's addiction to pornography filled me with feelings of failure, guilt, shock, devastation, and hopelessness. I didn't know what to do when he came with a confession of his activity. I felt as though my heart broke into a million pieces. My worth as a woman plummeted, and I put up walls to close out any emotional or physical intimacy with him. It would take me weeks before I could allow myself to be intimate with Paul again.

Although Paul confessed, he was unable to stop. When he saw the unbelievable pain I experienced, he'd be overcome with remorse. We fell into a pattern: Paul would confess his involvement in pornography, beg for forgiveness, then promise never to do it again. But—he would.

I could always tell when Paul experienced a failure. He'd behave as someone who had something to hide but would become offended that I didn't trust him. Finally, after weeks of questioning him, Paul would confess that my suspicions were right.

No First PageNo Previous PagePage 1 of 4Next PageLast Page

Sign up for TCW's free Marriage Partnership e-newsletter for weekly updates and encouragement through the joys, trials, and tribulations of marriage.

not a subscriber?

Subscribe for only $9.95 yearly!
Start here for complete access to Today's Christian Woman—a mentor to help you love God more deeply and live fearlessly.

Next Steps

Downloadable resources to go deeper

Marriage in the Midst of Ministry

If you are involved in ministry, this download offers balance, perspective, and practical ideas for your marriage.
When Your Husband Doesn't Believe

When Your Husband Doesn't Believe

Hope and encouragement when your husband is not a believer.

ratings & comments

Average User Rating:

Displaying 1–3 of 98 comments

Spanish Girl

August 01, 2014  7:25am

Hi, I'm 20 years old, I'm a Cristian woman who has been married a year with my husband (23). When we where dating and when we where getting close to the point of the relationship where we wanted to talk about marriage, he confessed me his porn addition. He broke my heart, but I forgave him and then I thought that starting a new life together would help him to focus on me and our relationship amd our future. He had been working on his addition when we started dating and he had been fine until we got married, he lasted 8 months of marriage until one day, when he was waiting to get to work he had an urge so he looked a porn websiten through his phone. You can't get rid of your phone! You need it for emergencies of if his boss calls him... He confessed after I asked him because I noticed something weird on his behavior. Honestly, I wanted to kill myself that day...he had broken my heart for the second time in my life. We talked and decided to work together, but I'm still scared...

Report Abuse

Dawn Elmers

May 31, 2014  4:37pm

thank you so much for sharing your story, it has encouraged me so much today.

Report Abuse

R .Roshan

April 26, 2014  4:20am

It looks interesting

Report Abuse

Rate and comment on this article: *

Low

High

1000 character limit

* Comments may be edited for tone and clarity.

More For Women
Shopping