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I Had an Affair

I Had an Affair

Although I ended my illicit relationship, I couldn't stop the memories
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Looking back, I realize there were many reasons I had an affair with Jack. But what lured me in was how he made me feel—with cards on my desk, flowers on my windshield, and calls just to say "hi." Finally, I was a priority in someone's life. I felt special and loved.

I met Jack when we both worked in the service department of a car dealership. Although I joked with all the guys, I noticed Jack paid more attention to me than the others. He made a point of showering me with compliments and making me laugh. Jack was fun, compassionate, and caring. He also was married.

When I started working late several nights a week, one night Jack worked late, too. Since we were the only two there, we ended up chatting late into the night. This quickly became the norm. When I was around him, I had fun, I laughed, I was happy. I could feel my attraction for him growing, but ignored it. I reasoned that not only was he married, he was also 11 years older than I. He couldn't possibly be interested in a 19-year-old girl.

But my naiveté shattered one night when we were talking in my office. I was perched casually on the edge of my desk, and he was in a chair across the room. After a brief pause in our conversation, he said quietly, "Come here." By the look in his eyes, I knew what could happen. In a fraction of a second, my mind raced through all my options. I could make the right decision—or the wrong one. I moved to him, and we began to kiss.

I'm sure part of my susceptibility to the affair stemmed from the fact my parents divorced when I was five. Although I wasn't aware of it for many years, their divorce destroyed my security. My daddy was everything to me. Not having him as a constant in my life left me feeling alone and unloved.

When I was 14, I met a young man and suddenly discovered a man's attention made me feel good. For the next seven years I jumped from one physical relationship to another, trying to maintain that feeling. I became adept at hiding this side of my life. My parents had no idea I regularly traded sex for a few minutes of "love." I knew God didn't approve, and I felt guilty. I'd grown up in a Christian home and vividly remember asking Jesus into my heart when I was four. I figured I'd done what I needed to do to avoid hell. I tried to be a nice person and do good things, figuring that was enough. I didn't understand I could have a personal relationship with Jesus.

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August 05, 2014  7:04am

Your story is so much like my own! Thank you so much. I too had an affair. I am a Christian he is not. My emotional affair with him lasted over 10 years. We are both married with kids. The last year of our friend ship it got into the physical. I guess I thought as long as it wasn't physical it wasn't wrong, but the guilt got the best of me. I am so thankful that I have a loving Christian husband who forgave me. Long story short my husband and I with the help of God and our pastor are doing great. I still have my good days and bad. But more good! The memories are hard to deal with but they are better also.

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Lami Onifade

May 23, 2014  6:45pm

I really want to know what was her name, the woman who treated you with 'dignity and respect'?

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July 28, 2010  2:34pm

I can't thank you enough for sharing your story. I've chosen to end an emotional affair after six months. We are both married with children. I can relate so much with your story. Though this affair ended just yesterday, I am certain that through much prayer and reading scripture I too will conqueror this beast!

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