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In his book Waking the Dead, author John Eldredge describes spiritual battle in terms of "agreements." What agreements do I make with the dark voice that tells me I must not be capable of a deep, committed relationship with a man? That because of this, or because I'm not attractive enough, I'll be alone forever? I've begun to recognize this condemning voice and to refuse acquiescence. Because my singleness forces me to lean only on God for complete assurance, I've learned from him to see the battle more clearly, and he's teaching me how to fight. As a result, like Dorothy's Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz, I've found courage to face an uncertain future without fear.
Psalm 27: 1-2 says, "The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?" God is and should always be my protector, provider, and Savior … whether I have a husband or not.
Faith
In being without the earthly companionship I long for, I face a decision. Do I believe, as Eve did when she was tempted in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:2-6), that God is cruelly withholding the very thing for which my heart hungers? Or do I choose to believe what God has told me—that he's doing what's best for me even if it hurts and I simply don't understand (Romans 8:28)?
Perhaps faith in the face of difficulty and disappointment pleases God simply because it keeps the ones he loves so close to him. In Mark 9:17-27, a distraught father brings his suffering son to Jesus to be healed. Jesus asks the man if he believes his boy can be healed, and the man replies, in desperation, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" I love this prayer; it's so wonderfully honest. In our darkest times, when we come to the end of ourselves and have tasted loneliness past what we think we're able to bear, we too can cry out to Jesus for help and hope. In resisting the temptation to doubt his goodness toward us, we're brought closer to him.
I've had nights of such loneliness and disappointment that I've wrestled with God and refused to let go. Although I feel wounded, I know he's with me, because Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." As I cry out for faith, I come to know his broken heart in ways only the brokenhearted can. After all, God knows what it is to long for something you don't have; he's longed for the affection of his loved ones for centuries.
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Sonu
Thank you so much for that article! I've been struggling so much to stay focused on God and just enjoying my time as a single Christian woman. This is the only time that I'll get with just me and God and of course, that doesn't seem to be enough for me. For some dumb reason, I always have this need to daydream and to keep hoping and wanting a wonderful man of God to come into my life and to help save the world together =] But honestly, thank you so much for your article! It's reminded and encouraged me, that this is Father and Daughter time, and what I need to focus on right now is growing to become a phenomenal woman of God who continues to be a witness to all. Thank you so much, like others said, for making this whole single woman loneliness thing seem absolutely normal. I've been trying to deny it, and pretend that I'm completely happy. But the truth is...it's a struggle man. Especially when everyone around seems to finding love.
lis
God knows ive struggled with this but i ve learned one: a man is not the panacea to all of life's problems, while being lonely is a real dilemma two: God doesnt want us to be alone, but lastly three:marriage is HARD. It has a purpose and is a calling, its more of a natural thing with a natural result, in short i believe that God wants Godly seed. while i know that that is not the only reason it is an important one. so when i dont have a life conducive to this, meaning we aren't willing to be the help meet, Psalm 78 says that their were no wedding songs because of disobedience. I mean since the feminist movement we are the partarkers of a fallen world. being married is harder then EVER, an We dont know what that women with the son has been through, i think what if she's a single mom, who has no husband, or has a husband who is not saved, If she doesnt have a happy marriage who am i to tell God what He can and Cannot do. I think its more about what GOd wants and less about what I want.
Emilie Hendryx
Such an encouraging article - I just happened to stumble across it and was definitely blessed by it. As a single woman myself, I have gone through a lot of what Colleen discussed and the Lord has been gracious to show me a lot of the same things. It's always comforting to know you're not alone in your struggles!
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