I prefer to make love in the dark. But my husband always wants it in broad daylight with his eyes wide open. I'm just not that comfortable with my body. What should I do?
A.Many women are "body modest" while men are "soul modest." Your discomfort about getting naked in broad daylight is normal. Chances are you were taught at an early age to guard your body from exposure. Unfortunately that wise teaching doesn't usually carry the one exception: sharing your secrets with your husband. Add that to the inevitable comparison of your body with the sex goddesses of Hollywood and it can cause a real reluctance to be seen in the nude.
It's important to understand that it's okay to allow your husband to see you naked. So how do you gain that liberation?
There are two steps. The first is to accept your body's fantastic beauty. You are woman, a captivating package of sexual mystery, the crowning glory of God's creation, and the private personal prize of your mate. Find time to be alone, take a warm, perfumed bubble bath, then step in front of a full length mirror and take a look. You're beautifully made, each part purposefully designed for your pleasure and his.
The second step is to realize the immensity of visual stimulation for your man. Yes, he'll be aroused by your touch and sound and fragrance, but not nearly as intensely as by seeing your body. That's the way God designed him. Don't believe it? Read the biblical book Song of Songs. The visual imagery is enticing.
Think of what a compliment your husband is paying you! He wants to see you naked. He's chosen you and wants to enjoy feasting on your beautiful body. That's nothing to be ashamed of!
After several years of marriage and children, my vagina isn't as tight as it used to be. While I understand it won't be the same as our first encounter, is there something I could do to improve the situation?
A.Try Kegel exercises. These are designed specifically to strengthen a woman's pelvic musculature. Basically, this involves contracting the pelvic sling of muscles as you would to stop urination.
Tighten your pelvic muscles and hold for several seconds. Obviously, the more you exercise the tighter those muscles will become. Practice this throughout the day, and try to repeat it 300 times. The great thing about Kegels is that you can do them anywhere and in any position. Some women set aside specific times and do 50 repetitions each time. Just like any other exercise, it takes several weeks to see results, so don't give up after two days!