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God's Rules for Sex

God's Rules for Sex
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Is there a uniquely Christian way to make love? I mean, should Christian couples limit their sexual expression based on certain biblical rules? If so, what are those rules? And are they relationship rules or physical rules—or both?

Louis: You are right in thinking that sex should be different for Christian couples. Our experience tells us that Christian lovemaking should be the most passionate, erotic, playful and super-satisfying expression of sexuality known to humankind. This is because our sexuality is a powerful gift of the Creator. We're free in Christ to delight in our physical being and rest secure in our individual worth (not dependent on artificial gimmicks to prop up sagging egos). When, as Christians, we follow God's guidelines about relational faithfulness, loving kindness and mutual submissiveness, the resulting sex is free from guilt and doubt.

So is there a "Christian way" to achieve this? Only in the sense of showing mutual respect and expressing physically the desire to celebrate the oneness of marriage in every way possible. In my opinion, the Bible contains no rules or guidelines for specific, prescribed lovemaking techniques. I've heard interpretations of the Song of Solomon that suggest positions for intercourse, the delights of oral sex and the proper use of perfumes. I personally see those poetic passages not as instructions but as expressions of erotic images reflecting God's approval of marital sex.

So in physical terms, the Scriptures aren't specific about sexual technique. Levitical law required abstinence during a woman's menstrual flow, and contemporary medical evidence suggests that women are more susceptible to some diseases during those days. Scripture outlaws anal intercourse, and we know today that it carries a much greater risk of sexually transmitted disease. The same is true of sexual promiscuity, which also is condemned in the Bible. Otherwise, all the marvelous sexual variety spouses can use to bring each other pleasure seems to have God's stamp of approval.

Regarding the relationship aspects of sex, the Bible has plenty to say about how love should look. All those imperatives of how we are to treat one another—such as putting others first—apply to sexual relations with your spouse as much as they do to brotherly love. So as you share life with your mate, apply a little kindness, gentleness and self-sacrifice along with lots of forgiveness and forbearance, and watch your sexual passion explode. For Melissa and me, some of our best-ever sex has followed intense conflict, confession and forgiveness.

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Related Topics:Intimacy; Marriage; Sex

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Pam in the Wildcat Valley

November 28, 2013  2:35pm

Melissa: I quote you as saying, "The first step to take in solving this dilemma is to talk to each other. Sexual dysfunction feels very threatening to men. Your husband may feel embarrassed, sad, angry, scared or even hopeless. He needs your reassurances, tenderness, love and praise." unquote Melissa, I am not being mean to you, but, as a woman, please do not defend the men. At least defend the women first. You're a woman and yes we should defend each other, because so many times, we women are catty and unfair to other women and the men just keep on laughing at us. We must also admit that wives feel threatened with sexual disfunction too, just like husbands. Wives feel embarrassed, sad, angry, scared, and hopless too. We need reassurances praise, love, tenderness, too Melissa. We do. Everything is not always about husbands. Please be concerned about the wives' points of view too. Any woman who is in a love relationship, has pressures too, probably more than the man, really!

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Pam in the wildcat Valley

November 28, 2013  1:04pm

Women often have anxieties and discomfort about having intercourse with husbands, but we so readily blame scold, criticze, demean, and threaten wives, that their husbands will have affairs if they are not performing for the husbands. This is so wrong, this is so evil!! I have not seen any articles that tell husbands that their wives will have affairs when their husbands are not performing up to par in the bedroom. Let me see some blame and scold and threatren aricles for men. All the critical females marriage writers on the internet that write these lists of things to fuss at the wives about, are abusing women and are terribly wrong! Stand up women for each other and do not allow yourselves to be brain What kind of society are we living in where we tell husbands it is ok to cheat on their wives. This is If we are going to threaten wives then we threaten husbands too. Yeah I said it. Rise up women and unite!!! N0v 2013

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