Is there a uniquely Christian way to make love? I mean, should Christian couples limit their sexual expression based on certain biblical rules? If so, what are those rules? And are they relationship rules or physical rules—or both?
Louis: You are right in thinking that sex should be different for Christian couples. Our experience tells us that Christian lovemaking should be the most passionate, erotic, playful and super-satisfying expression of sexuality known to humankind. This is because our sexuality is a powerful gift of the Creator. We're free in Christ to delight in our physical being and rest secure in our individual worth (not dependent on artificial gimmicks to prop up sagging egos). When, as Christians, we follow God's guidelines about relational faithfulness, loving kindness and mutual submissiveness, the resulting sex is free from guilt and doubt.
So is there a "Christian way" to achieve this? Only in the sense of showing mutual respect and expressing physically the desire to celebrate the oneness of marriage in every way possible. In my opinion, the Bible contains no rules or guidelines for specific, prescribed lovemaking techniques. I've heard interpretations of the Song of Solomon that suggest positions for intercourse, the delights of oral sex and the proper use of perfumes. I personally see those poetic passages not as instructions but as expressions of erotic images reflecting God's approval of marital sex.
So in physical terms, the Scriptures aren't specific about sexual technique. Levitical law required abstinence during a woman's menstrual flow, and contemporary medical evidence suggests that women are more susceptible to some diseases during those days. Scripture outlaws anal intercourse, and we know today that it carries a much greater risk of sexually transmitted disease. The same is true of sexual promiscuity, which also is condemned in the Bible. Otherwise, all the marvelous sexual variety spouses can use to bring each other pleasure seems to have God's stamp of approval.
Regarding the relationship aspects of sex, the Bible has plenty to say about how love should look. All those imperatives of how we are to treat one another—such as putting others first—apply to sexual relations with your spouse as much as they do to brotherly love. So as you share life with your mate, apply a little kindness, gentleness and self-sacrifice along with lots of forgiveness and forbearance, and watch your sexual passion explode. For Melissa and me, some of our best-ever sex has followed intense conflict, confession and forgiveness.