How to Make Sex a Priority

Tips for regaining intimacy with your spouse
How to Make Sex a Priority
Image: STOKKETE / SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

When Dara and Kevin were in premarital counseling, their pastor asked them to list five habits or personality traits about the other person that they found annoying. Dara stared at her blank piece of paper and said, "Honestly, nothing about Kevin annoys me."

By their 10-year anniversary her grievance list had grown, primarily because of the stress of managing two kids, a demanding job, a monstrous mortgage, and an incontinent cat. These made even the little problems between her and Kevin major annoyances, and left her little energy for sex.

Every couple wishes the romance and starry-eyed love could last forever. But at some point every husband and wife must cross the invisible line between fantasy love and real life, where the majority of marriage is lived out.

Even King Solomon and the Shulammite crossed that line as problems threatened to erode their intimacy: "Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom" (Song of Songs 2:15). She told him, "We've got problems. Can't you see those little foxes? They're going to ruin everything for us. Do something about this."

Most Old Testament scholars agree that the vineyards in this verse represent Solomon and the Shulammite's love. Everything seems perfect, except that she spies some little foxes in their vineyard, and warns Solomon of their presence. While seemingly harmless, foxes dug holes and passages that loosened the soil around the vines, preventing them from developing a stable root system. In this instance, that root system is their intimacy.

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May 25

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