The Day I Left My Marriage
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The day had come. I'd lasted as long as I could in my marriage. Once my husband, Bill, left for work, I packed a bag for myself and our 14-month-old son and left our home. It was the only year in our married life when we lived in the same town as my parents. Obviously the convenience of being able to run to Mom and Dad made my decision to leave Bill easier.
With a tear-stained, angry face, I walked into Mom's kitchen. She held the baby while I sobbed my declaration of independence. After washing my face and sipping a cup of coffee, Mom told me she and Dad would help me. They'd be there for me, which brought me great comfort.
"But before you leave Bill," she said, "I have one task for you to complete."
Mom put down my sleeping son, took a pen and sheet of paper, and drew a vertical line down the middle of the page. She told me to list in the left column all the things Bill did that made him impossible to live with. As I looked at the dividing line, I thought she'd then tell me to list all his good qualities on the right-hand side. I was determined to have a longer list of bad qualities on the left. This is going to be easy, I thought. I started immediately to scribble down the left column.
Bill never picked his clothes off the floor. He never told me when he was going outside. He slept in church. He had embarrassing, nasty habits such as blowing his nose or belching at the dinner table. He never bought me nice presents. He refused to match his clothes. He was tight with money. He wouldn't help with the housework. He didn't talk with me.
The list went on and on, until I'd filled the page. I certainly had more than enough evidence to prove that no woman would be able to live with this man.
Smugly I said, "Now I guess you're going to ask me to list all Bill's good qualities on the right side."
"No," Mom said. "I already know Bill's good qualities. Instead, for each item on the left side, I want you to write how you respond. What do you do?"
This was even tougher. I'd been thinking about Bill's few, good qualities I could list. I hadn't considered thinking about myself. I knew Mom wasn't going to let me get by without completing her assignment. So I had to start writing.
I'd pout, cry, and get angry. I'd be embarrassed to be with him. I'd act like a "martyr." I'd wish I'd married someone else. I'd give him the silent treatment. I'd feel I was too good for him. The list seemed endless.
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perks
This article has really made me think Today I have been searching the net and spending time looking at how I can sell my house, split with my husband and start again. I am going through a very turbulent marriage at present and feel there is no return. Although I still feel deeply down about where I am right now and cannot see a way out my problems, it is good to hear that there may be hope. Maybe by not putting God first in my life, I have come to experience so many problems and to be honest I have never listed my flaws as I always think I am right. Like you I can list all the annoying embarassing things my husband does which truly make my blood boil! But I am sure he can do the same back to me. Maybe I need to spend more time looking at how to change my heart rather than trying to change someone else. If anyone can point me to any scriptures that might help I would be very grateful.
Jorja
My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for seven, with two beautiful children. This morning, I told him to pack his things and get out. I cried, used all the hot water just standing in the shower, then decided I needed to see what to do next. I saw the title of your article and the name of the site and felt so self righteous. See?! I told myself. I'm not wrong here. It's HIS fault. Then I read your article. Oh, now I feel about *this* big. Thank you so much for helping me realize, whereas he may do some things I don't like, so may I to him. Off to do my self evaluation! Then to swallow my pride...
Samantha
Not to ruin the moment for you women but Every person in the world deserves to have someone in their life who will not take u for granted My husband sounds like the exact same guy but worse Hes decent and won't Cheat on me but that's not enough A women needs her husband to be emotionally loving To care atleast once in a while It's not fair that us women Sacrafice so much And on return get selfish men I love my husbabd to peices but he doesn't love me the same way It doesn't matter to him if we don't talk for weeks This story is not realistic - My aunt sacrificed her whole life For my uncle (her husnsnd) In this belief and till this day (25 yesrs later)she is still unhappy
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