Joyce Holt never expected to be a victim of abuse. Twice.
At age 22, she married a man who wasn't a Christian. Within weeks of the wedding, he began to tell her she was worthless and stupid. In the midst of arguments, he would punch her with her own fists.
Feeling she had nowhere to turn, she stayed with him. Until one night when he pulled out his pistol. Joyce watched in disbelief and panic as he toyed with the gun and eyed her.
Something snapped within her. "After he got out the gun," Joyce says, "I realized I'd done nothing that would have warranted him shooting me." She sought a divorce.
Eight years later, Joyce married again. She felt certain this man would treat her well since he was a Christian.
But just as before, within months this man began to verbally abuse her. After one fight, he said, "What are you going to do? Leave me? Everything you have is half mine now."
Mustering her courage, Joyce confronted him. To her relief, he recommitted his life to Christ and joined a men's accountability group. But not long after that, the abuse escalated. He choked her, trapped her in rooms, isolated her from family and friends, and berated and demeaned her. Joyce spiraled into depression.
"I constantly begged God to end my life," she admits.
Arise and Go
Without her husband's knowledge, she began to see a counselor, who told her that she was living in an abusive home. But it wasn't until a women's retreat that she finally saw clearly. "I realized that every year when I'd attend that women's retreat, I'd beg God to save my marriage. And every year I was at the same point of despair," she says. "God finally got through to me."
She prayed for direction and told God, "If you say go, I'll go." One day she heard God's words to Abraham as she read her morning devotional: "Arise and go hence." She called her attorney that morning.
But Joyce carried shame and humiliation with her. "I had two failed marriages, infant twins to care for, and I'd gained 90 pounds. I had difficulty just existing," she says.
In 2003 during a Sunday school class, the teacher asked everyone to partner up to discuss a passage about submission. Joyce turned to the woman next to her and said, "I'm not sure I'm the right person to partner with."
"I was thinking the same thing," the woman said.
"I'm getting a divorce," Joyce told her.
"Me too. But mine's not a normal divorce. I have a restraining order against my Christian husband."
"So do I," Joyce said.
Soon Joyce began to hear about other women in her church with similar stories. A choir member whose husband sexually abused her. A woman who endured a 20-year marriage to an alcoholic. Another whose story of abuse mirrored Joyce's.