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The Single Life

The Single Life

Five women sound off on sex, dating, and the church
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At the end of each day, after the bustle of working or parenting or even dating, a single woman is usually alone. In that vulnerable moment, what flickers of longing and temptation arise? What assurances of peace and love overwhelm? Five women—Karen Beattie, Deborah Nicodem Carsten, Dawn Eden, Connally Gilliam, and Valencia Wiggins—give their singular take on the single life.

Do you struggle with being content in your singleness?

Valencia: While I believe God wants me to serve him faithfully in this season, I've also cried out for him to change this area of my life. I often discussed the "gift" of singleness with my roommates in college, laughing about who did or didn't have it. One roommate thought she had this gift—and she's now married with three children. I never thought I did, and I'm still single.

Connally: We're all called to discover and appreciate the "gift" aspects of singleness. I liken myself to someone living in a war zone. I'm not necessarily "called" to live there as an end in itself. Instead, I'm called to make the most of my situation, confident God's at work in all circumstances.

Karen: Even though I made the most of my singleness, traveling to Puerto Vallarta with girlfriends and decorating my home according to my tastes, I often felt cheated out of a husband and family. Before I married at age 40, I vacillated between being content and blaming God for my singleness.

Deborah: I strive to embrace my life and be content with who I am today, not who I might be in the future. A while ago I posted this quote on my refrigerator: "You have more to learn from what's in front of you than from whatever it is you seek."

Dawn: If I live my entire life waiting in hope of marriage, I wouldn't see that as a tragedy, as long as, while I wait, I fix my eyes on Jesus, not on a fantasy of my future husband.

What do you see as your role in finding a husband?

Karen: One of my friends says we're "coauthors" with God. We take the first step, and he brings someone into our life. Initially, I wanted God to be matchmaker. I went years without a date. Then, as I got older, I tried being more pro-active. Eventually, I met my husband online—so, while I believe God was involved, I ultimately took some initiative.

Connally: I don't think I'm fundamentally responsible to find a mate. Rather, I'm responsible to be open to the men God brings into my life. I can freely decide whether or not to try Internet dating or accept friends' setups. In a metaphoric sense, my duty is to be a good dancer. I like to dance, so I put myself into the dance hall. But I can neither force a man to dance with me nor make us a good pair.

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The Very Truth

December 08, 2013  2:46pm

To Jen, well my problem is that i always seem to meet the Wrong women to connect with instead of meeting just one good one for a change. I will certainly admit that i very much hate being Alone since i am almost 60 years old, and i was married at one time before my wife of 15 years Cheated on me. i was a very caring and loving husband that was very much Committed to her as well, and i guess it wasn't good enough for her. Now going out is the hardest part for me all over again as you can see, and i am very much hoping to meet a good woman for me this time around. Today it is very hard for women too that are very much hoping to find a good man as well since there are many men out there that had at one time or another that had mistreated their women, and there are many of us real good men out there that would know how to treat a woman very well with respect. I t really stinks to be Alone for many of us now that the Holidays are here, and many women are better at being alone than us men.

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December 05, 2013  1:41pm

I relate to some of this, but I'm a never-been-married woman in my late 40s. It's harder to related to other singles now because there aren't many my age. Right now, the most caring friends I have are a mix of mostly married and some singles. The only drawback is that they are older than I am, so there's a bit of a generation gap. Thankfully, our hearts seem to be in the same place.

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The Very Truth

September 11, 2013  11:55am

well there are many of us men out there looking to meet a good woman to settle down with, which it is very unfortunate for us too not finding love. it is very hard nowadays finding love for many of us that really hate being alone now. i hope God really blesses us to find the love that we are looking for.

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