The most difficult thing about a marriage is that two people are in it. And we all know that the problem is usually with the other person. If we were just trying to work things out by ourselves, we could certainly do a good job of it, but we have to fit our dreams, desires, hopes, abilities, mindsets, assumptions, needs, and habits in with those of our spouse. And that takes three things: Communication, communication, communication. Verbally, emotionally, and physically.
The foundation of a good marriage that will last a lifetime has to be built by communication. It is the way intimacy is established. Anytime communication is shut off, intimacy suffers greatly. And a marriage without intimacy is dying. You and your spouse must each be able to have a sense of closeness in your marriage—an assurance you are on the same team. Without good communication, you won't have that.
The closest relationship you will ever have is with your spouse because you share everything. Not being able to communicate with him—or he not being able to communicate with you—paves the way for an intolerable existence. Not knowing what your spouse is thinking or feeling makes building a life together impossible. If neither of you know what the other's internal plans and visions are for the future, how can you move into it together?
How can you show your commitment to the relationship if you never share that with your spouse? How do you get the sense that you are always going to be there for each other if you don't talk? If you don't express your fears and inner turmoil, how can you receive the encouragement you need? If there isn't good verbal communication, then there isn't an emotional connection, and that means there won't be good physical intimacy, either. That part of your life together will then become an act without feeling or passion. If one of you believes that the communication is not good in your relationship, then some changes have to be made.
That's why praying about having good communication is so important. Here are some ways I learned to pray about our communication that made a difference in our relationship.
Pray That You Can Just Be Nice
How many marriages could be saved if both the husband and wife would just be nice to one another? It's called common decency. The Bible says, "Love edifies" (1 Corinthians 8:1). That means love builds up and makes stronger. Love doesn't speak mean-spirited and sarcastic words that tear down. What we say and the manner in which we say it can either communicate love or total disregard. Ask God to be in charge of your marriage, and tell him you will do whatever it takes to see that it becomes all it was intended it to be. Even if it means being nice when you don't feel like it.
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