Revisiting this terrible time in my mind brought the truth back into focus. God had delivered me out of bitter grief. He would deliver me again. God had already proven himself to be faithful. And so once more, I made my choice to hang on to him—even if I felt alone.
Even Through Clenched Teeth
All of us can face anxiety when negative circumstances occur, such as an unexpected job loss, impending foreclosure, abnormal behavior of a spouse or child, or like me, a sudden health crisis that hits us out of nowhere. In those times, it's dangerously easy to become consumed with dark thoughts. Often we visualize ourselves in worst-case scenarios in which God's presence and power seem to be absent. We make the scene larger and the situation more demanding than God could possibly handle. We see ourselves alone in an unwanted place. And those mental images that consume us end up stealing our joy and leading us away from the one who is our hope, our comfort, our Savior.
How can we take back our peace of mind—even in the worst circumstances? At my lowest point I realized I was allowing myself to become a prisoner to my dark thoughts. My fear and worry were only making the situation worse. When I faced that reality, my first response was to be honest with God. I admitted, Lord, I'm afraid. Coming clean with my fear and vulnerability helped me acknowledge that I'm not in control. Then I was able to pray, Lord, even though I don't understand why this is happening, I know you are at work in my life. I'm going to take captive these anxious and fearful thoughts and give them to you. I'm going to trust that no matter what happens, you have everything under control.