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Help! My Son is Gay

Help! My Son is Gay

How one woman discovered prayer and compassion are more important than deciding what's right or wrong for her son
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With gay marriage making headlines around the world, parents are looking for helpful ways to identify with children, friends, and family members who identify as homosexual or same-sex attracted. When Rachel's 22-year-old son Jordan initially came out to her last year, she was shocked. Instead of avoiding the conversation, however, Rachel and her husband chose to turn to Scripture, church counselors, conversation, and prayer.

"There is a huge need for the church to begin dialoging more about this very sensitive and divisive topic," Rachel said. "Our church never warned us to think through how you would want to respond if your son tells you he's gay."

Jordan's story is recorded in a Christianity Today feature article, "Hope for the Gay Undergrad." Here is Rachel's story of how she and her husband learned the importance of prayer and compassion in responding to this sensitive topic.

Q: Did your son's confession of same-sex attraction come as a surprise?

A: When Jordan called a family meeting one night, I honestly had no idea what he was going to say. It had never occurred to me that he might be attracted to other men. When those words came out of his mouth, I truly felt like I'd been gut punched.

As I struggled to breathe, two phrases ran through my head: "He needs to know that I still love him," and "God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love him." I repeated those phrases over and over to myself as I listened to him share his story. My children have always been one of my greatest joys, so the fear that I'd done something to "cause" this, and the pain of knowing he'd been struggling with this for many years, was pretty devastating.

Q: After the initial shock subsided, how did you work through his confession?

A: The thing I did the day after he broke the news to us was to put really powerful Bible verses on sticky notes in places where I might have too much time to think about things, including on my bathroom mirror, by my kitchen sink, and in my car. That helped to keep me focused on the one who gives hope, rather than on the seeming hopelessness of the situation.

After much prayer and time in the Word, I'm just now beginning to get a firm biblical understanding of what this means for him. A few days after our initial talk, the Lord brought to mind Joseph when he found out that Mary was pregnant. The shame he must have felt! But then the angel appeared to Joseph and said, "Do not be afraid." That is the foundation on which I've chosen to stand. God loves Jordan, my husband, and me. Even though it's hard, I know God knows exactly how this will play out, and I know he will use all of it—the pain, the shame, the sidelined hopes for his future—to help conform every one of us to the image of his son.

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Displaying 1–3 of 26 comments


September 04, 2014  11:37am

Our son told us he was gay two years ago. Since then he has really gotten involved in the church, wants to go to all retreats and join the leadership. I thought he was "changing" his mind, but yesterday we found a love letter to the pastor's son. I am really stressed out about this, because it seems there is nothing I can do. This is the path he wants....

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August 31, 2014  6:28am

Please realize that you, Allison, (or any other parent) can keep your faith while still loving and accepting your son. Christ said nothing about homosexuality. Comments about LGBT acts being sinful were made when the bible was written 100 years after Christ's death. Some think it wasn't added until a poor translation almost 500 years after Christ. The fact remains that Jesus did not condemn homosexuality. Please understand that wearing mixed fabric in clothing is a sin according to the original text of the bible. This is your son, daughter, +'s life. Please, please accept them for who they are and the people they love. To any LGBTQ youth reading this article. Know that things get better. There is nothing wrong with you. You were made as god intended you to be and you do not need to be cured or fixed in any way. Love who you love and be who you are. Stay strong.

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August 25, 2014  12:38pm

The way I look at it as a mother of three children, with one that is gay is: Which child of mine isn't a sinner? "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." It doesn't matter if it is being impatient, unkind, envious, proud, boastful, rude, self-seeking, jealous, untruthful, etc. Sin is sin and Christ's sacrifice paid the penalty for all sin. Why do we think one sin is worse than another? It's not. I pray for all of my children to one day know Christ as their savior. I also wonder why no one commenting above quoted I Corinthians 13, the love chapter. We are all sinners and we need to grow up as Christians.

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