Marriage Is for Holiness, Not Just Happiness
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But what do these opportunities look like in everyday life? How exactly can marriage make us more holy? Here are a few small, specific ways God has used marriage to carve virtue into our character.
Prudence. Often translated "wisdom," the word prudence comes from the word providence, which means "to see ahead." I (Halee) can be candid to a fault. I've always had a knack for saying exactly what I think at the very moment I think it—regardless of the impact it has on the hearer. Early in life I'd seen how damaging it was to bury emotions, so in an effort to avoid that mistake, I made the equal and opposite error of expressing myself without a great deal of forethought.
But when we married, I noticed that my honesty was more divisive than it was beneficial to our marriage. I saw the impact my words had upon Paul, and I started to pay attention to how he communicated with me and with others. Paul knew what to say and the right moment to say it. He spoke thoughtfully, ensuring that his words contributed to the well-being of others. The truth didn't always have to be painful.
Because of his daily influence, I've learned how to be more tactful in the way I say things. It was a difficult transition, especially in the beginning. During this period, Paul taught me his "three-day rule." When I was tempted to respond to someone quickly and brashly, I took three days to think it through and pray. Eventually, I didn't need to practice the three-day rule in order to exercise prudence in my daily interactions with Paul and others. I was able to "see ahead" and discern what words would best build up the other person.
Courage. C.S. Lewis called courage "the form of every virtue at the testing point." Courage isn't the absence of fear as much as it is the willingness to move forward despite fear. Throughout our marriage, I (Paul) have seen Halee demonstrate courage over and over. She applied (and was hired) for jobs I thought she needed more experience for. She speaks regularly in front of hundreds of people even though she's terrified of public speaking. The night our daughter was born, I caught her crying for a single minute (when she thought I wasn't looking) as the labor pains intensified. She went on to brave 16 hours of labor to bring our daughter into the world.
I don't like to get out of my comfort zone, but seeing Halee exercise courage over the years gave me the courage to quit my job in the middle of the recession. I'd been working for the company for 14 years, and I'd known God was calling me to leave the company for a long time, but I couldn't imagine leaving after all the years I'd put into the company. I was afraid, wondering how I would be able to provide for my family. But eventually, I did quit and moved into the work that God had called me to.
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Omawumi Ovuorie
Really good views about marriage.
Edward Mills
This is an addendum to my earlier comment. I have heard several sermons on the topic, "Marriage is for holiness, not happiness," and they all sounded like something out of the Victorian period and to the outsider the topic would likely reinforce the view of Christianity as "agin sex." The author of "Love and Will" was an ordained minister before becoming a psychotherapist. Google "Rollo May" and you will get some 1.8 million hits. The NY Times reviewed the book in 2 installments, ending with the comment "it is the only game in town" (for developing an attitude toward sex that fits the needs of today). The Times later described May as having "an ear to the ground" in that later work has confirmed all his theories. May is credited with developing an existential psychologlicl/philophosophical view of the nature of man. He studied under Paul Tillich, an existential philospher/theologian. I am writing a possible 50+ page memo to our pastors explaining the psychology of Rollo May
uwimana Annah besigye.
beloved of God, this article has blessed my life beyond words can express. I just needed to hear all that I have read because am in such a learning moment in my marriage. Am close to 14 years in marriage and have had an upheaval that i never imagined could ever happen in my life and marriage But am grateful to God for His love endures forever. I have a testimony to share. I trusted my husband so much that I used to think that even if he was to sleep with another woman on the same bed nothing would happen between them but one day I was heart broken when he confessed before me that he had slept with some girl. However in that pain I had an assurance from God that He is in control and indeed he was in control. Right now we are still healing and I believe that God is taking us to grater heights and refining our characters to suit his purpose in our life. May god bless you so much. I would love to have a ministry with women where ti share this grate information and wisdom with. Blessings.
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