Q: My husband says I spend too much time focusing on the kids and not enough time with him. Is there a healthy balance between spending time with the kids and with my man?
A: Check out this insight from one husband (whom I happen to be married to):
"When a woman is engaged to be married, she pours all her nurture into her man. She holds him, kisses him, and talks sweetly to him. They have fun together and enjoy the physical affection of first love. Then after they marry and have kids, all that nurture is suddenly transferred to the children, who kids become her primary focus. The husband is just as needy for that nurture, but he's too proud to admit it."
I was convicted when my husband shared that with me. Our husbands need our attention and affection—just as they did when we were dating. Plus it's healthy for our kids to see us nurture our marriages. A strong marriage isn't characterized by a wife making decisions primarily based on her children's happiness. Instead, it has a lot to do with honoring your husband and his needs.
Thankfully, it doesn't require huge chunks of time each day to show your husband you care. Maybe it means taking 10 minutes after dinner each night, cuddling and talking about the day. It takes only a few moments to steal a glance and smile, squeeze his hand, or kiss passionately. Hold hands while you watch TV, and be sure to have a lock on your bedroom door for uninterrupted romance.
My husband and I have heard that couples with children who don't schedule sex don't have sex, so we have been writing romance into our calendars. Once a week we put the kids to bed a half hour early so we can have alone time before it's too late and we're too exhausted.
If you weave these types of behaviors into the fabric of daily life, your husband won't feel as if he's competing with the children for your time and attention.
A few years ago I won an overnight stay at a fancy local hotel. As we walked in the large room with a view, I exclaimed, "I wish the kids were here!" My husband thought I was nuts, and he was right. Once in a while, you've got to get alone with your husband and let him be royalty.
Being a wife is an amazing privilege. Make sure your to-do list includes hanging out with your special man!