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Need a Friend?

Need a Friend?

How you can step out of shallow relationships and dive into deeper, face-to-face friendships
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Kindred-spirit friendships like the kind Anne of Green Gables found with her neighbor, Diana Barry, don't happen through Facebook updates or witty tweets of 140 characters or less. My closest friend wouldn't be my closest friend if we had not weathered the storms of life together. When waves of depression threatened to overtake me, my friend was there treading water beside me. As she struggled through the grief of losing her infant son, I swam silently alongside. When our marriages and children have brought disappointment, we have waded through it together. The deep and murky waters of our friendship hold vulnerability, sorrows, and frustrations that we would never post online for the world to see.

But, in contrast to deep and meaningful real-life friendship, many of us are drowning in shallow waters. We are struggling in acquaintanceships that will never deepen into fulfilling friendships . . . until we take an authentic journey into the storm together.

Here are five tips for creating authentic friendships in your life:

  1. Evaluate your daily life decisions. For example, ask yourself: How many of my weeknights are free for spontaneous invitations? What can be cut or postponed from my schedule? How many hours a day do I spend watching TV, using the computer, DVD player, and cell phone? What technologies that I'm using could be replaced with human contact?
  2. Limit your media usage to certain times of the day to free up more face time. For instance, you might check e-mail twice a day, turn off your cell phone in the evenings, or limit "screen time" (TV and computers) to weekends only.
  3. Choose to go deeper with God—and invite others to join you on your journey. Buy a good study Bible with commentary, read classic books by authors like C. S. Lewis, or listen to sermons and audiobooks while you do chores. And consider starting a book club with other women or hosting a Bible study in your neighborhood. Take advantage of opportunities to learn and grow at church. Join a moms' group or a Wednesday night class. Your acquaintanceships there can blossom into deeper friendships over time.
  4. When you meet other women, strive to go beyond, "How are you?" Ask about their interests and backgrounds: "What do you do for fun?" "Where did you grow up" "Have you read any good books lately?" Then get their phone number and follow up with an invitation to meet for coffee.

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Catherine Craig

May 12, 2014  6:31pm

“Researchers at Ohio State University and Carnegie Mellon University have shown that people who report strong social supports have more robust immune systems and are less likely to succumb to infectious disease” writes Melissa Healy for the Los Angeles Times. I think authenticity means taking risks to connect, which has proven much healthier than isolating. As the author points out, technology increases the capacity to mask oneself, to be safe, to hold others at arms’ length. Jesus’ example, how he related to others, is interesting. Via parables, Jesus cloaked himself to the frauds, the self-important, but was transparent to those he trusted and entrusted himself fully to no one, only the Father in Heaven. Besides, only face-to-face can we determine the real, those worth trusting for deeper relationships. As a writer, and an observer of life's events, this article challenges me. Thanks!

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