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Adventurous Sex?

Adventurous Sex?

Why boredom in the bedroom is bad for your marriage
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After about ten years of marriage, I noticed that intimacy had become . . . well . . . boring. In fact, I was so bored with the "same old sex" that I calculated in my mind approximately how many times my husband and I had probably done the same thing. I figured that, if we had sex on average twice a week, that was about 100 times a year or 1000 times over 10 years of marriage. (Yeah, I know. Who thinks like that?) The next thought I had was: Something's gotta change. My bedroom ceiling just isn't that fascinating!

After about ten years of marriage, I noticed that intimacy had become . . . well . . . boring.

That little mental exercise was a wake-up call for me. I wanted sexual intimacy in my marriage to be fun, new, and creative. If sex seemed dull after 10 years, how would I feel after 30 years of marriage?

I've wrestled with the question of how to make sex exciting while also maintaining a sense of reverence for God's standards. There are guidelines for things that are "out of bounds" for Christian couples, but you might be surprised at how much freedom we have to pursue adventurous sex in marriage. Consider the fact that the Song of Solomon includes things like the bride planning a sexual rendezvous in a vineyard!

God created sex to be fulfilling for both men and women on many different levels. We have learned from scientific research that exciting, adventurous sex serves a different purpose in marriage than the "normal" episodes of sexual intimacy between a husband and wife. The truth is that both are important aspects of building a strong marriage.

A chemistry lesson

To understand the importance of both "normal" sex and adventurous sex, it helps to know the impact each have on your body and brain. Although I loved school, I hated chemistry. So, I'm going to make this explanation as simple and painless as possible.

There are a lot of brain chemicals involved in sex. What you look at and what you think about have a powerful impact on what chemicals are flowing at any given time. When a couple in a committed relationship has sex, their bodies release endorphins and oxytocin. These two chemicals lead to feelings of closeness and bonding and also a general sense of well-being. Oxytocin and endorphins help reduce stress, promote sound sleep and pain relief, and may even help slow the aging process. So frequent "normal" intercourse in marriage actually helps a husband and wife feel closely connected as they weather the storms of life together.

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Juli Slattery

Juli Slattery is a widely known clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and broadcast media professional. She co-founded Authentic Intimacy (www.authenticintimacy.com) and is the co-author of Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love Are You Making?

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August 07, 2014  10:52pm

This told me absolutely nothing.

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Ted Mills

February 06, 2014  9:17pm

An interesting study reported several years ago tested the hypothesis that all who attend a wedding experience a "happy" hormone boost (forgot which). Attendees were tested before the ceremony and after. All experienced a boost in the particular hormone that was under study, except one. The groom. Instead of the particular hormone it was his testosterone which shot up. It is safe to assume that the anticipation of sex can boost testosterone which naturally declines with age. Consequently, it would appear that the more adventurous sex becomes the greater the release of testosterone which is also good for health. Something that Christian counselors should look into and keep in mind. That includes pastors in their "counseling" (preaching) from the pulpit.

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Scott I

February 06, 2014  3:57pm

And my supreme compliments to the writer, staff, and editors of this newsletter for showing the courage to address things that scare, but that are desperately needed to help couples who may have lost their balance or be overly inhibited, which has been quite common in Christianity for too long. We are more injured and disturbed today in the last days, than ever before in history and we need help more than ever before. I deeply respect this newsletter for the great insight they are showing me in recent months and year or two. Please dare to keep it up.

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