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Why an Orgasm Is Not the Pinnacle of Sexual Maturity

The intricate connection between your faith and your sex life

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Put a man and a woman together, and the odds are that immaturity and selfishness will overflow even while they attempt to create a meaningful relationship. The common explanation for relational problems is their families of origin, but the root of the problem is actually more serious to overcome: two sinners coming together. From arranged marriages to traditional dating to online dating to cohabitation, all the methods of matching can't avoid this inherent problem. Marrying in the will of God doesn't change that reality either. The honeymoon always ends. However, I believe that working to develop both spiritual and sexual maturity can help a couple glorify God and avoid serious relational problems.

There is a consistent dynamic I've noticed while counseling thousands of Christian couples from across America in our weeklong intensive counseling program. It looks like this: The wife feels a loss of sexual interest in her husband while she also considers herself to be more spiritually mature than him, while her husband has more interest in sex with her, but he considers himself to be more spiritually immature. In this common scenario, both husband and wife are missing something. If two sinners are going to struggle well in developing a God-glorifying relationship, they must both strive to be spiritually and sexually mature. To be spiritually mature you must be sexually mature; to be sexually mature you must be spiritually mature.

Few couples realize that sexual maturity is more than sexual purity or pleasurable orgasmic experience.

Redefining maturity

Few couples realize that sexual maturity is more than sexual purity or a pleasurable orgasmic experience. Spiritual maturity is also more than being involved in ministries or having a spiritual "mountain top" experience. When we try to mature spiritually, we tend to fix our thoughts on ourselves and our own goodness and in the process, we lose sight of the whole meaning of spiritual maturity. Likewise, when we try to find sexual satisfaction for ourselves, we fix our thoughts on ourselves and our own fulfillment and end up missing the real meaning of sexual maturity.

To build spiritual and sexual maturity, we must start with God's purpose rather than our own. God's purpose is "to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name" (Romans 1:5, ESV; see also 16:26). That purpose continues beyond conversion to bring about transformed lives that are more and more consistently obedient to his will. So as we journey on we are "filled with the knowledge of his will with all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him" (Colossians 1:9, 10, ESV). In this process of transformation, it is important to remember that what we do with our sexual organs is as important as what we do spiritually with our hearts and our minds. We are not just spiritual beings; we are physical beings as well.

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From Issue:
Today's Christian Woman, 2014, March Week 1
Posted March 5, 2014

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Today's Christian Woman
Why an Orgasm Is Not the Pinnacle of Sexual Maturity