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The Art of Loving Unlovable People

The Art of Loving Unlovable People

12 steps to help you deal with difficult people
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Life is full of people who rub us the wrong way. Whether it's within our family, workplace, church, or community, we've all encountered at least one person who drives us absolutely crazy. Maybe they say sly insults, tell bad jokes, or invade our personal space. Whatever their annoying or hurtful habits are, our spirits are dampened and flustered by their presence in our lives.

As Christians, how do we cope with difficult people? Christ calls us to love selflessly and ceaselessly. So are we just supposed to force a smile and fake a laugh, while inside we're cringing or crying or wanting to flee? How can we possibly be genuine with all these negative emotions broiling just beneath the surface?

So are we just supposed to force a smile and fake a laugh, while inside we're cringing or crying or wanting to flee?

We can't do it on our own. Our broken, sinful hearts aren't capable of scraping together nearly enough love to cover the foibles and flaws of our fellow humans. We occasionally have trouble loving even those who are dearest to us. So often, our feeble, fleeting attempts at love fall flat and our patience runs dry.

The only true source of compassion, strength, and love is God. If we embrace and rely completely on God's love and forgiveness for us, we can then draw from his infinite provision and begin to love others more fervently and sincerely.

I've found that there are 12 key steps we take to help us build greater compassion, empathy, and love for our neighbors—even the ones who have caused us pain, anger, or frustration. It is critical, though, to understand that these tools are best used in the hands of those who have deeply acknowledged their own sin and their need for Christ's grace and direction in their lives.

1. Pray for the Holy Spirit's intervention. If you know you're about to enter into an interaction with a difficult person, appeal to the Holy Spirit for strength, compassion, and patience. Through him, you have the power to represent Christ—even in the most trying of circumstances. Our calling as Christians is difficult, but we don't have to do it alone. Remember that your kindness could portray the gospel to someone who desperately needs it.

2. Consult God's Word. Scripture is a treasure trove of practical advice about how to interact with people. Sometimes we may feel as though the Bible is distant and unrelated to today's culture, but upon closer inspection, we can see that human nature hasn't really changed. The wisdom that the Word provides is still relevant to our lives.

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JEAN E Jones

April 08, 2014  10:59pm

Great advice! I particularly like "Don't take yourself too seriously" and "It's always possible to establish common ground."

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Bob Roane

March 27, 2014  12:02pm

Very helpful, wise, and biblically sound. I will use some of these suggestions today in deal with unlovable people. Thank you, Hillary!

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