Jump directly to the Content

A Wonder-full Job

Motherhood brings with it all kinds of questions and anxiety.Can we ever learn to find rest in God?

Last Tuesday at 3 a.m. we revisited the four glasses of blueberry juice Charli enjoyed before bedtime. After several minutes of throwing up and a warm bath to rinse off the residue, she drifted off to sleep.

In a sleepy stupor, I surveyed the deep azure splattered throughout the bedroom. Cupping the soiled linens in outstretched arms to contain the mess, I wondered why I'd thought a brand-new snow-white down comforter was a good idea. But mostly I wondered if my baby was okay.

At 1:15 Friday morning, I revisited the Mexican food I'd enjoyed before bedtime. From the bed to the toilet to the floor beside the toilet and back to the bed again, the cycle repeated. This was the stomach flu all the other stomach flus wanted to be when they grew up. I was terrified. With my husband away on business, I wondered, What if Charli has a bad dream? What if Chance wakes up with a migraine? What will I do?

Miserable would have been a step up from the way I felt. I even called 911, but thought the better of it when the recording stated, "If this is a life-threatening emergency, stay on the line." I could picture myself stealing an ambulance from some sweet old guy who'd fallen and broken a hip or a laboring pregnant lady about to give birth on her bathroom floor. So I hung up and crawled back upstairs to repeat the cycle—bed, toilet, floor beside the toilet, bed…

The saga continued the following morning. My middle son got the flu. Then my youngest son followed suit. Will this ever stop? I wondered.

I wonder quite often—about a lot of things. I wonder if I'm making the right parenting decisions, if my kids will turn out okay, if I'm supposed to choose Option A or Option B. If I could see the outcome, the answers, the big picture, I guess I wouldn't wonder so much.

My latest read is Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer, a phenomenal book on the character of God. Tozer says, "He [God] is never surprised, never amazed. He never wonders about anything." He doesn't even wonder what it's like to be human because he was.

The implications are monumental. If we're all caught off guard regularly, where can we turn for stability, for security? There has to be someone who's not at a loss for words or options or hope, wondering what to do. I can't wrap my mind around this notion that God already knows everything and knows all things equally well.

I was surprised by the 3 a.m. blueberry incident. I wondered when on earth I would stop throwing up during Friday's pre-dawn hours. I'm constantly caught off guard.

But God never has such thoughts. Amazing. Lord, remind me, comfort me, with this reality during the wee hours when questions abound, when I'm wondering as I settle down to sleep with the blueberry comforter.

Lisa Johnson is a writer, speaker, and recording artist from Southern California. She is the author of Days of Whine & Noses (Jossey-Bass).

Elisa Morgan is president of MOPS International. Call (800) 929-1287 or go to www.mops.org for information about a MOPS group in your area.

Read more articles that highlight writing by Christian women at ChristianityToday.com/Women

Free CT Women Newsletter

Sign up for our Weekly newsletter: CT's weekly newsletter to help you make sense of how faith and family intersect with the world.

Read These Next


Join in the conversation on Facebook or Twitter

Follow Us

More Newsletters