Allen Asbury, who recently released his debut CD, Somebody's Praying Me Through (Doxology Records), and his wife, Heidi, celebrate their 10th anniversary this summer. They've learned a lot in that decade, such as how to love (Allen's a hopeless romantic), how to fight (Heidi's feisty!), and how to put your dirty clothes in the hamper.
How do you handle conflicts?
Allen: It's a direct result of watching my dad. He honors my mother. I've never seen him yell at her. I know they had their arguments, but us kids never saw that. So when Heidi and I argue, I want to put it off. When we were first married, Heidi got frustrated with me because I just wouldn't get into it with her. I'd say, "No, now is not the time."
Heidi: About three months into our marriage, Allen probably wondered why he married me. Our truck broke down in the middle of nowhere, and I got so mad! Then a wasp came in the truck, and I flipped out. I started yelling and kicking the dashboard. Allen said, "Heidi, what are you doing?" He couldn't believe his brand-new wife was kicking the dashboard of the car.
Better than kicking him!
Heidi: Exactly! But really, we don't argue much.
Allen: But when the time comes—and it always does—we sit down and talk about it. It's pleasant and productive, and we see each other's point of view. If we need to relieve frustrations, we play a game of racquetball or run around the track or something. We don't take it out on each other.
What would people be surprised to know about you?
Heidi: That Allen is a true romantic. I'm not. I never think about that stuff.
Allen: One time I got home from work before Heidi. I lit a bunch of candles, had a little Kenny G playing in the background, and I put on a suit and tie. I was thinking this would be a nice romantic dinner. Heidi came busting in and ran through the house, straight to the backyard. We had a miniature dachshund back there, and Heidi thought she'd seen somebody trying to steal the dog. By the time she came back in, I'd blown out all the candles and taken off my tie. It was over.
Heidi: I just ruined it.
What advice would you give to other couples?
Heidi: Put your dirty clothes in the hamper!
Allen: I recently traveled somewhere alone, and I noticed some clothes on the floor. Things weren't tidy. I called Heidi and said, "Do I throw clothes on the floor? Do you pick up after me, or do I take care of my clothes at home?" She laughed hysterically and said, "No, I pick them up."
Heidi: He said, "I've got to stop that. That's ridiculous." I was thinking, Yea! It's been more than nine years, but God finally answered my prayer!
Copyright © 2003 by the author or Christianity Today/Marriage Partnership magazine.
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