Putting Yourself Last

If you feel the need to spice up your marriage, make sure you don't leave out the key ingredient

If you've read one of the "how to add life to your marriage" books and your relationship is still floundering, try something new. Check out how you and your spouse are growing spiritually. Have you spent as much time thinking about how to become more like Christ as you have on how to spice up your marriage?

I don't believe couples fall out of love—they fall out of repentance. I'm convinced that when couples commit themselves to growing in the virtues taught by Christ, there's little chance for their relationship to fail. When you're focused on growing in humility, gentleness, patience, love and generosity, you're creating the building blocks that nurture and maintain intimacy.

Actually, humility is a great place to begin. Peter urges us, "Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another" (1 Pet. 5:5). I'm afraid most of us spend more time worrying about our outer appearance than we do about the inner clothing of humility. But I'm determined to do better at clothing myself in a way that will strengthen my marriage.

What Humility Looks Like

When my wife and I got married, I was shocked at how different two people could be. It showed up in the little things—like where we'd keep our medicines and spices. To me, it seemed inherently wrong to store Pepto-Bismol next to the vanilla, but that's the way my wife's family had always done it.

We also had widely divergent eating habits, which weren't a big deal until we had kids and one of them complained at breakfast, "How come Daddy's cereals have toys and ours don't?"

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Humility; Marriage; Selfishness
Today's Christian Woman, Winter, 1999
Posted September 30, 2008

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