As a teenager I once heard a Christian speaker warning against the dangers of premarital sex. He said intercourse creates a "soul tie" between two people.
My husband and I have been married for 18 months, and our sex life is OK. But I worry about the soul tie he created with his college girlfriend. He says his repentance removes that, but it's hard for me to believe he feels no connection with her. Why can't I stop thinking about it?
Louis: Premarital sex does have many effects on individuals, and the depth of impact and strength of the experience over time varies considerably. The variables might be the intensity of the relationship, the length of the involvement, the morals of the individuals, the guilt or remorse experienced, what intervened in the romance and the way the relationship ended. But the idea of a soul tie would not necessarily apply in every relationship.
More important is the true soul tie you and your husband have created. That will be strengthened by your acceptance of his word, dismissing your doubts and deepening the trust you feel for him. Ask God to help you take your doubts captive and to focus on the oneness he's created for your marriage.
Melissa: Many of the couples who come to us for counseling had premarital sex, either with each other or with another partner. The primary result is usually lack of trust. One or the other brings it up, especially during arguments.
Even though the past behavior was painful, it's foolish to allow that pain to carry over into your marriage. Getting past that pain into forgiveness is a choice well worth making—and it is a choice.1