How to Spend Time Together

Everyone knows it's important, but so few do it.

Call me wacky, but I am convinced that any person with two reasonably healthy legs could run a marathon. Yes, I mean the 26.2-mile foot race. I didn't say everybody could win it—or even place in the top half of the field—but everybody could run one. Really. The difference between those who will and those who won't (like me), however, is simply two things: decision and discipline. One must decide that one wants to run a marathon and then ravenously commit to training. And a major component of that commitment is to give much of that all-precious commodity: time.

As a marital therapist and educator, one of the most frequent issues I deal with is couples who, at best, feel like roommates, and, at worst, no longer believe they are "in love." "The passion is gone" and "I don't know who you are anymore" are common laments. For many of you in this reading audience, you may feel you that you are neither headed for the therapist's office nor toward being "out of love" (especially since, if you are a frequent reader of MP, you know that love is a commitment and therefore a choice). But you may still sense that your marriage is less passionate than it once was and that there are times when you and your mate feel like the proverbial ships passing in the night.

If you desire to re-ignite the passion or stoke the marital fires so they burn brighter each day of your marriage, you can do that the same way the marathon runner does: with decision and discipline. You must decide that you want a passionate marriage and then you must commit to doing the things that will bring that type of marriage about. And one of the vital, life-giving disciplines needed to create that environment is the same one our runner needs to get ready for the race: making time to train. Without the time, it just won't happen.

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May 25

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