Is It Okay to Be Sexy?

A healthy approach to marriage and modesty
Is It Okay to Be Sexy?

Much has been written for Christian women on the topic of modesty and most of it is addressed to single women. But do those standards of modesty change once you slip a wedding ring on your finger? If so, how?

Actress Candace Cameron Bure made this question a matter of public discussion with some of her statements regarding what she would wear on Dancing with the Stars. I think she communicates a wonderful balance: "I'm not gonna be your sexy girl. I'm a mom of three kids, so I want to look good and feel beautiful, but I will probably stay on the more modest end of costuming . . . I won't be the sexiest one out there," she said. "I am a mom, and I want to be a good role model for my children and my husband. But I think for each dance we'll wear what reflects the dance but in the most classy way possible."

While you probably won't have people blogging about what you chose to wear to work this week, you do have to wrestle with similar questions. Is it okay to dress "sexy?" Does modesty mean you have to wear burlap? Where should you draw the line?

Two Extremes

A married woman should feel freedom to wear anything and nothing in the privacy of her bedroom. But when she walks out of the house, she needs to be considerate of modesty. Just because your husband can look at your body, that doesn't mean other men should.

If you learned as a teen or young adult to get attention from guys by how you dressed, then you may still have that desire as a married woman. It can feel good and give you a sense of power when you attract the gaze of men. But remember: The power of your sexuality and beauty was given to you to captivate your husband.

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Juli Slattery

Juli Slattery is a TCW regular contributor and blogger. A widely known clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and broadcast media professional, she co-founded Authentic Intimacy and is the co-author of Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love Are You Making?

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Appearance; Beauty; Marriage; Modesty; Purity; Respect; Role models; Self-care
Today's Christian Woman, May Week 4, 2014
Posted May 28, 2014

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