Connecting After Kids

The importance of ensuring you and your spouse are more than parenting partners
Connecting After Kids

Pregnancy was difficult for me. Recovery from an unexpected C-section was difficult for me. The initial transition into motherhood was difficult for me. The lack of sleep was difficult for me. Why I expected our marriage to fly through all of these difficulties without any significant emotional ramifications is beyond me. Maybe it’s because, after being married for seven years, I assumed we would continue to connect well and operate the same way.

I was wrong.

It’s not that Michael and I didn’t still love each other. It’s not that we didn’t continue to have date nights. It’s not that we didn’t still spend time together. But it felt . . . different. I felt different. At times, I felt overwhelmed by how much my daughter needed me and by how little time there was to do anything other than care for her. As we emerged from the newborn stage, I found myself unsure about how to continue to invest in and develop my own passions, let alone the connection points in our marriage, when I felt so immersed in this new, tiny life. So much of my mental energy and focus—and Michael’s as well—had now been turned to this new person in our family, and much of the emotional energy I used to have for our marriage seemed to have slowed to a drip of what used to be a flowing stream.

Parenting Ella was a new experience we loved, but we needed to continue to invest in our relationship as friends and lovers.

Our marriage didn’t feel the same.

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Ann Swindell

Ann Swindell is a TCW regular contributor who is passionate about seeing women set free by the love of Christ. Connect with her at, on Facebook, or on Twitter at @annswindell.

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May 25

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