Widowed and Lonely

I'm tired of feeling lost and alone, but these thoughts make me feel disloyal to my late husband. What should I do?

Q. I was widowed a few years ago and totally devastated by my loss. I am so tired of feeling lost and lonely. Though I have no desire to remarry, I would like at least to have some companionship with the opposite sex. But these thoughts make me feel so guilty and disloyal to my late husband, who is now with the Lord. What should I do?

—Alana Purvis, via e-mail

A. You feel lost and lonely—lonely because you have been severed from a living part of yourself, and lost because you don't know what to do next. You can't visualize how the rest of your life is supposed to go, now that the life you shared with your husband has been taken away. What next?

This is one of the big "Who am I?" meaning-of-life moments that we don't expect to have again after we marry and settle down. Once we've begun a successful relationship, we find it takes on its own existence. When this union is broken the surviving partner reels disoriented, feeling like an amputee.

It's up to the surrounding community to offer the bereaved a role that is useful, honorable, and fulfilling. You're not getting this; in fact, few single people in our culture do, since pairing up is relentlessly presented as the only choice. Singles are continually pushed together and prompted to find a mate, as if anything short of couple-life is deficient.

Christians desperately need to recover a way of seeing the single life as valid on its own terms, and not simply as a holding tank. Though never-marrieds are made to feel like failures, that would hardly be history's judgment of their great example, the apostle Paul. He found his life so fulfilling that he said, "I wish that all were as I myself am" (1 Cor. 7:7).

Subscriber access onlyYou have reached the end of this Article Preview
To continue reading, join now for free and get complete access.
orJoin Now for Free
Free CT Women Newsletter

Sign up today for our weekly newsletter: Marriage & Family Newsletter. CT's weekly newsletter to help women grow their marriage and family relationships through biblical principles.

Read These Next

  • Also in This Issue
    The Wedding QueenSubscriber Access Only
    Charolette Richards runs the busiest wedding chapel in Las Vegas, and she's not afraid to tell her customers about God's love.
  • Related Issue
    Mad About Racing YouSubscriber Access Only
    Doing something you both love is what's important—not how silly it seems to others
  • Editor's PickWhen Expectations Collide
    When Expectations CollideSubscriber Access Only
    Unspoken assumptions may be at the root of conflict and disappointment in your marriage.

For Further StudyFor Further StudyDownloadable resources to go deeper

Comments

Join in the conversation on Facebook or Twitter

May 25

Follow Us

More Newsletters

Facebook
Twitter
Pinterest
RSS
Email