Jump directly to the content
My Loveless Marriage

My Loveless Marriage

Why divorce wasn't the answer to my emptiness.
Average Rating:
135 Comments

I lay in bed staring at the darkness. My husband, Larry, was snoring softly beside me. We'd just had another fight. I could hardly remember what had started it, but I knew we'd both said ugly, hateful things. Nothing had been resolved. We'd just gotten tired. Now he slept and I lay here, feeling utterly alone.

I crawled out of bed to check on our two sons. David, such a handful while awake, looked like an angel even though his face was sticky from the ice cream he'd eaten earlier. I pulled Matthew's covers back on his small body and smoothed his blond head. He needed a haircut. Working full-time, with two small sons to referee and a house to keep clean, I never had enough time to do it all.

Something drew me to the window. I could see the lights from downtown Seattle. So many people. What were they doing? Were they as lonely as I was? Was there anyone out there who cared? God, I cried, help me find the strength to leave.

Hitting the Wall

After ten years of marriage, I wanted out. Our love hadn't died in the heat of this battle or any other battle. It had died at the bottom of a wall it couldn't climb.

I remember clearly the day I laid the first brick. We'd been married nine months. We went to a movie and I waited for Larry to reach over and take my hand, thus proving the magic was still there. But he didn't and, as the movie progressed, I grew hurt and angry. He shrugged it off, surprised I was upset over such a little thing. To him it was nothing; to me it was the first sign our love wasn't perfect.

As the years passed, I added more bricks. When we were first married, he called me every day from work. But slowly those phone calls grew further apart and finally stopped. When I brought it up, he started calling again, but it wasn't the same. When we watched TV in the evening, he'd fall asleep. When we went out for dinner, he couldn't think of anything to say. His days off were measured by how much he got done—chores, work, and the children took priority. I got the crumbs, and I was starving.

I felt guilty for feeling the way I did; he wasn't abusive, he didn't run around with other women, he didn't drink or do drugs. He came home every night and worked hard to support our family. Despite this, the wall grew, built with bricks of buried anger, unmet needs, silences, and cold shoulders. The marriage books we read made things worse; counseling confused the issues.

Divorce seemed like the only answer. It would give me a chance to start over and find the right person. Yes, it would be hard on the children, but when I was finally happy, I'd be a better parent. In the long run, it would be better for all of us.

No First PageNo Previous PagePage 1 of 4Next PageLast Page

Sign up for TCW's free Marriage Partnership e-newsletter for weekly updates and encouragement through the joys, trials, and tribulations of marriage.

not a subscriber?

Subscribe for only $9.95 yearly!
Start here for complete access to Today's Christian Woman—a mentor to help you love God more deeply and live fearlessly.

Next Steps

Downloadable resources to go deeper

Marriage in the Midst of Ministry

If you are involved in ministry, this download offers balance, perspective, and practical ideas for your marriage.
When Your Husband Doesn't Believe

When Your Husband Doesn't Believe

Hope and encouragement when your husband is not a believer.

ratings & comments

Average User Rating:

Displaying 1–3 of 135 comments

blessing

August 29, 2014  8:37am

My Name is Blessing.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my boyfriend back and he means so much to me..The boy i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another woman..,When i called him he never picked my calls,he block me on his facebook and he changed he facebook status from married to Single...when i went to him to his place of work he told his boss he never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have him back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting him back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my boyfrien

Report Abuse

anna

August 25, 2014  6:47pm

As I sat here and read the article and the comments, I understood where you were coming from. I wish that I could use your advice, but I cannot. I am married to a stranger. My husband had a traumatic brain injury a few months before we were to be married. Now years later I feel guilty for saying I do. We have three small children that love their dad. I don't want to separate them from him, but I can't bare any more of this torture. I am a nurse. I know how to take care of my husband. I can't do it. His disability is too close to home. I do this for work and now my work is at home. I practice in geriatric and hospice nursing, two of the most difficult facets in medicine besides oncology and pediatric care. I am no longer his wife but his caretaker. He has some physical limits but most are mental. I ask whomever reads this to pray for me. I am lost. I feel alone. I need to be closer to God and I need helpful words if you can. Thank you

Report Abuse

andrea

August 20, 2014  7:52pm

Yet again women turning away holding men accountable. How many times do we draw a line in the sand and tell ourselves to forget how they are not being the men God commands them to be? Such a joke. It take two if only one person is doing the work in a marriage it will fail. Your husband probably realized how lucky he was and no other woman would put up with him. Glad things worked out dor you, devine intervention? I doubt it.

Report Abuse

Rate and comment on this article: *

Low

High

1000 character limit

* Comments may be edited for tone and clarity.

More For Women
Shopping