For years my wife has told me that conversation is an important part of foreplay for her. I try to stay focused during that chatty time before sex, but I get sleepy and lose interest. The result? My wife gets the conversation she needs, and I don't get the intercourse I need. I'd feel selfish if I didn't provide the kind of foreplay she needs, but how can I stay awake long enough to close the deal?
Louis: Conversation is an important aspect of foreplay for most women. So the most obvious solution to your dilemma is to find a better time of day to play around. That will allow you to enjoy an unhurried interval for conversation, relaxing foreplay and intercourse that will be satisfying to both of you. This could be earlier in the evening or even before work in the morning. If you live close to the office, you could even schedule a mid-day rendezvous.
If you can express your frustration and ask for your wife's help, together you may find other creative solutions. Sometimes it's hard for men to share their needs openly, seeing such an admission as a sign of weakness or failure. But wives usually want to be just as sensitive to their husband's sexual rhythm and responses as their husbands are to theirs. Your wife is probably thankful for your concern about her needs and will welcome the opportunity to reciprocate.
Another solution can be for you to be satisfied by an occasional "quickie"—sex without the lengthy preliminaries. We've found that even a quickie can be mutually enjoyable. Melissa receives the gratification of having brought me pleasure, and I accept her gift without feeling guilty or selfish. That's not usually our first choice, but it's better than ongoing frustration.