Why are stairs harder to climb after we fight? I asked myself, dragging one foot after the other, using the banister to pull myself up.
Hurtful words, spoken by my husband in anger, rotated in my mind. Was I really not humble? Was I only out for myself? Was I truly trying to "diss" him?
Reaching the top, I hesitated before entering the bedroom. Was he asleep, or waiting? Time to find out as I anxiously turned the handle.
Trying not to sigh too long or loud, I was relieved to hear his gentle snores. A simple change of clothing in the dark and I was ready to climb into bed, but our argument kept playing over and over like some bad copy of a B movie, making sleep impossible.
The nagging question, which rarely left my mind during these days of arguing, came once again. Should I leave him? Temptation was strong as I considered my options.
Finding myself praying instead of sleeping, I pleaded silently, God, what's happening to us? I don't know how much more of this fighting I can take.
A gentle suggestion came into my mind: Love never fails.
Those three words brought back memories of years before, standing at the wedding altar, saying those same words to this man. I read 1 Corinthians 13 to him after my vows. Verse 8 started with "Love never fails" (1 Corinthians 13: 8, NIV). At the time my friends asked me why I wanted to read what everyone else read at their wedding. Why couldn't I be different? they questioned.
No eloquent answers came then, but now I understood. God knew I'd need those words written on my heart to remember tonight as I struggled with the "for worse" part of marriage.
I nodded in the dark. Love never fails. Not even now. I inhaled deeply and felt a sense of peace. I'd made my decision. I would continue to love my husband with God's help. I slept and awoke to another day, believing it would be different.
But at breakfast, only the forks against our plates broke the silence. I wanted to speak, to make things better, but I wasn't sure what to say. So I decided to wait and prayed silently.
Finally my husband said, "I wish we hadn't argued last night. I hate it when we argue. Are you all right?"
"I hate it when we argue too," I said as a thought entered my mind, Isn't he sorry for those awful things he said—which we both know aren't true? Then I mentally backed up. What were those words God reminded me of last night?
A flash prayer, my way of quickly lifting words up to God, came to mind: Lord, teach me how to live the words you gave me last night: love never fails.