Jump directly to the content
Cleaning Up the Swamp

Cleaning Up the Swamp

Using creative discipline with older kids
Average Rating:
Not rated4 Comments

Lisa's room had become impossible. School stuff, makeup, and all sorts of paraphernalia were piled on the desk and dresser. Clean clothes were stacked on a chair, and dirty clothes were on the floor. Need I say more? Any parent with a teenager will recognize the scene. I decided I had a public-health duty to the rest of the family. Since Alan Alda's "M*A*S*H" series was Lisa's favorite TV program and Hawkeye's tent was referred to as "The Swamp," I taped the following sign on her door:

M*A*S*H Unit 4077

"The Swamp" has been declared unsafe for human habitation. Some attempt to resolve the worst damage must be completed within 24 hours.

James Geiger, M*A*S*H Unit Health Officer

When Lisa read my note, she wrote a sarcastic "Ha! Ha!" in the margin and left it posted on the door. She was not thrilled with her father's tactics, but she cleaned her room that night.

On an earlier occasion, before older sister Jennifer left for college, the girls stopped making their beds before school, and days passed with wrinkled bedspreads lying around the room. Finally, in an act of desperation, I made their beds and used the back of my business card to leave a bill for twenty-five cents per bed for "maid services." I suspect they were a little embarrassed that their father had had the run of the room in order to make the beds, and they certainly were caught off guard to realize Dad had left them a bill for services rendered. I even pressed the issue by insisting they had a legal obligation to pay their honest debts. I don't remember if they ever paid the bill, but they did begin making their beds before school. Who knows—maybe it was just a ploy to keep Dad out of their space.

On another occasion, my wife and I insisted that we needed more "family togetherness" with our son, so we supervised the cleaning of his room—fearful that we would find a missing chair!

Parents have a right, indeed an obligation, to insist that their teenagers maintain some minimum standards in their private living space. But how does a parent balance the Bible's admonition to "train up a child" with the teenager's need to develop self-reliance? And why should parents assume that ideas like sanctuary and the home as our castle apply only to adults?

If one's sanctuary is where one finds a measure of freedom and privacy, then the teenager's room should be his or her sanctuary. Otherwise, the teenager will seek refuge elsewhere. It may be the home of a friend. It may be at the gym, on the playground, or in a tree house. It may even be a hangout with friends who are unacceptable to mom and dad. But it will be of the child's own choosing.

No First PageNo Previous PagePage 1 of 3Next PageLast Page

not a subscriber?

Subscribe for only $9.95 yearly!
Start here for complete access to Today's Christian Woman—a mentor to help you love God more deeply and live fearlessly.

Next Steps

Downloadable resources to go deeper

Growing Faith in Your Growing Teen

Your key role in nurturing your child's spiritual development

Navigating the Tough Stuff with Your Teenager

You play a powerful role in guiding your adolescent.

ratings & comments

Average User Rating: Not rated

Displaying 1–3 of 4 comments

Laura

August 07, 2013  9:26am

It is indeed hard to believe that any teenager would like the show MASH. However, in my household,we do not subscribe to cable or satellite tv. MASH is shown on a station called ME (memorable entertainment) and my own daughters 12 and 10 both watch it - and enjoy it. If we allow our kids to only watch trash, then they will only enjoy trash. They must continually be exposed to things that do not necessarily promote the things that satellite tv promotes. If my kids were given a choice, they would choose the haughtiness of Disney channels and nickelodeon etc, etc. So at this point in their lives, I do not give them the ability to choose those things.

Report Abuse

GM

January 12, 2013  1:50pm

In days past, cattle were known as 'doggies'. (Old western song with the verse "Get along little doggies".) This article contains key point regarding consistency and follow through with discipline.

Report Abuse

Anonymous

January 11, 2013  7:57pm

I find it hard to believe that any teenager today- especially one of 13 even knows what the TV show MASH is-let alone it be her favorite program. Are you sure this wasn't written 20+ years ago?

Report Abuse

Rate and comment on this article: *

Low

High

1000 character limit

* Comments may be edited for tone and clarity.

Shopping