Jump directly to the content

Subsciber access onlyarticle preview

Available to TCW subscribers only. Log in or subscribe now.
Why I Don't Have Kids . . . Yet

Why I Don't Have Kids . . . Yet

3 reasons I've held off so far
Average Rating:
4 Comments

Over the last three decades, women have been waiting longer to start having children. In 1970 the average age of a first-time mother was about 21. In 2008 the average age was just older than 25. Here I am in 2014 pushing that average age even higher. I'm a 27-year-old woman, married and without kids.

I always imagined that I'd get married and have kids around the two-year anniversary mark. And I was on schedule . . . until I got a new job a few years ago—a job that I thoroughly enjoy and look forward to working every day. The fact that I now am able to delay parenting is a freeing concept. It gives me a sense of control—yet I know that God is ultimately in control of my life.

So how do I then balance God's will with the ability to plan my family? How do I know when God wants me to move to a new phase of life? Do we live in an age when God must work against all odds to exercise his will?

Praying for babies

These are questions that we all will be forced to wrestle through. Only a couple of generations ago, these were not vexing questions. People assumed that they would get pregnant when God wanted them to start a family.

We see that same idea throughout the Bible—that God is the one who blesses couples with children. In Genesis, "Isaac pleaded with the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children. The Lord answered Isaac's prayer, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins" (25:21).

In 1 Samuel, Hannah poured her heart out to God requesting a son who she could then dedicate back to the LORD, and God answered her prayer (1:11–20).

In Luke, Elizabeth got pregnant because God heard Zachariah's prayer (1:1–13).

God has revealed himself as sovereign, but he has also given us free will in how we choose to live our lives.

God has revealed himself as sovereign, but he has also given us free will in how we choose to live our lives. So my husband, Jeremy, and I have a choice to make for how we will choose to serve God in our lives.

As I've pondered my dilemma, I've also become concerned about something else: Why don't I feel strongly about something so important?

At times I feel strongly to focus on my career. I know the good works that God has called me to (Ephesians 2:10) are partly, if not mostly, fulfilled in the work that I do. God gave Adam work before giving him Eve, before the command to multiply (Genesis 2:15). And while I do desire to be a mom and raise kids, I resonate with Sharon Hodde Miller: motherhood is not my calling.

article preview

This article is currently available to TCW subscribers only.

To Continue Reading:

LoginorSubscribe
Natalie Lederhouse

Natalie Lederhouse is the assistant editor for Today’s Christian Woman. Follow her on Twitter @nataliejean.

Sign up for TCW's free ParentConnect e-newsletter for weekly updates and help and encouragement for raising the next generation of Christ-followers.
Related Topics:Career; Motherhood; Parenting
From Issue:
Today's Christian Woman, 2014, July Week 3
Posted July 16, 2014

also in this issue

July Week 3
Why One Dad Is Best

Why One Dad Is Best

There's a lot to be said for a single, steadfast presence
How You Can Help Adopting Families

How You Can Help Adopting Families

Adoption expert Sharen Ford talks about the ministry of adoptive families and how the church can support them.
Why Did Early Christians Emphasize Church as Family?

Why Did Early Christians Emphasize Church as Family?

Spiritual formation happens best with others, and family is the best example of Christian community
Grandparenting Is Risky

Grandparenting Is Risky

Why we sign up for it anyway

ratings & comments

Average User Rating:

Displaying 1–3 of 4 comments

elizabeth rago

July 21, 2014  8:38pm

Natalie, I love when you say, "I'm more aware of the gifts God is bearing in this season of life; and I'm savoring them fully." This kind of awareness and contentment in what God has given you in this moment is so wise! I must admit that you are completely right when you mention not having the same amount of time for your hobbies - at first. The early stages of a child's life is intense and they certainly need a lot of attention physically, emotionally, and developmentally. I have found that all of my thoughts and reasoning and opinions pre-baby were almost all off base. Until I had experienced the day to day of having a child, I had no idea how I was going to react to certain situations and many things changed for me spiritually, personally, and yes, physically (bummer!). I am a firm believer of having it all, but not all at the same time. Practicing contentment is key and it sounds like you are already at a place of contentment in the season you are living now. Fantastic read! -E

Report Abuse

J. Evans

July 21, 2014  12:19pm

I can appreciate your transparency on this somewhat touchy topic. I am 29 with a 1 year old that I thank God for daily and a career that I am also tremendously thankful for. Having now experienced both career and motherhood I have to say: I am so incredibly thankful I didn't miss out on being a mom. I can tell you unequivocally, that she has given me unexpected insight into being a better wife, a more faithful child of God and an overall better human being. Having a child and a career isn't always easy, but it IS doable. That said, I do believe that we're all called differently: some to marriage, some to ministry, some to parenting, some to remain single...but I can say, personally, I didn't know how much I would learn and how much I would grow as a result of becoming a mother until I was one. In some ways, you can't fully know until you're standing there. Wishing you blessings regardless of your path!

Report Abuse

Marie

July 20, 2014  10:10am

Thank you for this post. I am about to turn 30 and have also wrestled with the expectation that I would have children by this time of my life. My husband and I both work full-time and help lead a couple ministries in our church too. We often see people take time off for the birth of their children... Sometimes I envy them, because it feels like I don't have that freedom, because of the priorities we have chosen! My pastor laughed and said we have plenty of time, when my husband told him about my concern that I was waiting too long to have children. I know adoption can be an option if things don't work, but sometimes I am still sad that we didn't plan for kids sooner. It is encouraging to hear from someone else who is in a similar place and finding the positive in it.

Report Abuse
More For Women
Her Meneutics

her.meneutics

The Christianity Today  women's site provides news and analysis for evangelical women
Shopping