She Tells Our Business

Also: "Love, But Not In Love"; "He Wants to Leave Church"; "He Shuts Me Out"

Q. My wife talks too much about things I feel are private. I've spoken to her about it, but she doesn't think it's a big deal. Am I making too much over this?

A. The issue isn't whether or not she thinks it's a big deal. The reality is that whenever one spouse has a concern, it affects the marriage and becomes something both spouses need to address. If one spouse thinks something is a big deal, then it's a big deal.

But merely telling her you don't like how much she reveals to others may not be a message she can understand. Before you bring up the subject again, take several days to think and pray through your feelings. What is it about her sharing that bothers you? Are there certain topics that are more sensitive than others? What do you feel when you overhear these conversations? Embarrassed? Exposed? Exploited?

Let your wife know that when she talks about issues that concern your relationship or you personally, you feel she's inviting others into a place that belongs only to the two of you, and that feels invasive and disrespectful. Explain that if she's comfortable talking about herself, that's her choice. But when she shares things that involve both of you, she compromises your ability to trust her, which in turn affects your intimacy level.

Here's a fair rule many couples have adopted that reflects respect and healthy boundaries: "If something involves personal information about me, then I decide how much is to be shared, and with whom. Likewise, my spouse is free to share whatever she wants about herself."

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Anger; Church; Marriage; Sex
Today's Christian Woman, Winter, 2004
Posted September 12, 2008

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