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5 Things Your Husband Wants You to Know

Couple Minutes

5 Things Your Husband Wants You to Know

1. I want to please you sexually. It's humiliating for men to ask for directions, so help us by giving us a road map for sex.

2. I need you, but I need others, too. When guys want to know what to do, not how to feel, they turn to male friends.

3. I want to find meaning in my work. We derive satisfaction from what we do. So support us as we sort out our goals and gifts.

4. I want to be reconciled with those I love. Contrary to the "take no prisoners" attitude men express, we're still bothered by unresolved conflict. You can help by asking questions.

5. I want to remain young and virile forever. Love us, make us feel we're still sexually desirable, cook us healthy meals, and suggest an aerobic walk around the block.

By James Charis, from 30 Days to a More Incredible Marriage, edited by Ramona Cramer Tucker (Tyndale). Used by Permission.

You Say It's Her Birthday?

Then consider treating her to her favorite meal—at home. According to a study by the National Restaurant Association, 30 percent of married people reported dining out on their spouse's birthday. And men were more likely to eat out on their wives' birthday than women were on their husband's. So take a few notes, dig out the cookbooks, and please her with a meal she'll remember. If it's his big day, try visiting his favorite restaurant.

Socialize to Survive

Need another reason to go to coffee with your hubby? Being social may add years to his life. Men, research shows, are more likely to develop certain stress-related disorders, and die, on the average, seven years before women. Why? Laura Cousino Klein, Ph.D., and her colleagues at the University of California in Los Angeles believe it's in the way men and women cope with stress. According to their recent study, when women are threatened, fearful, or stressed, they "tend-and-befriend"—nurture their young and turn to family and friends for support. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to respond in the "fight-or-flight" fashion, either becoming aggressive or withdrawing from the difficult situation. But by adopting more social habits, men may be able to boost their health and protect against stress. So if your husband's stressed, pick up the phone for a family chat, invite his friends to dinner, or head to the nearest Starbucks. He'll thank you for many more years to come.

6 Big Mistakes Couples Make

1. Avoiding conflict. This requires repression, which leads to depression of feelings. A passionate partnership requires conflict, not terminal niceness or withdrawal.

2. Avoiding each other. Occasional withdrawal is healthy. Habitual withdrawal is death to partnership.

3. Criticizing. Habitually thinking or speaking criticism is hard on a relationship. It's usually a sign that the criticizing mate has some personal development to do.

4. Showing contempt. Contempt is criticism escalated to outright mental abuse.

5. Denying responsibility. Without taking responsibility for your part, you'll blame your spouse and try to change him or her.

6. Reacting defensively. Fear is natural. Defensiveness naturally accompanies fear. Skillful partnering requires practicing techniques that allow you to drop your defenses despite your fear.

By Marty Crouch, MA, from

Lists to Live By, Volume 2 (Multnomah). Used by permission.

Run for More Sex

Eager to get your husband exercising more? Just lace on his sneakers and tell him exercise will keep him virile. A study conducted by the New England Research Institutes found that moderate to vigorous physical activity may reduce the risk of erectile dysfunction. It makes sense: Erections depend on blood flow, so activity that affects the cardiovascular system in a positive way will also positively impact his sex life. This is true even if he starts in midlife. So, how much activity is enough? The study suggests that he maintain a level of 200 calories a day—a brisk, two mile walk. Just remember, when you encourage him with the news, keep it short. The sooner he starts, the better.

Marriage Trends

How Old Were You?

Average Age at Marriage





—U.S. Department of Commerce, Bureau of the Census (1990)

Is Romance Becoming Routine?

Try putting some spin on it. With a little creativity and advance planning, you can turn your old favorites into your new ones. Here are a few ideas to get you going.

1. Instead of dinner and a movie, buy tickets to a concert or a play or visit an art museum. Make reservations and dress up for dinner afterwards at a restaurant that requires formal wear.

2. Plan a picnic on the roof of a city building, at a local mall, at an indoor park, or an arboretum. If you live in a cold climate, bundle up and brave the elements for an outdoor picnic at a park.

3. Re-create the date when you proposed.

4. Rent a convertible or luxury car for the weekend and drive to the beach, the mountains, or a near-by bed-and-breakfast.

5. Spend the whole day with each other in your own bedroom. Feed each other, give each other massages, watch romantic movies, and play the day away.

6. Plan a day of horseback riding. You'll be sore afterward, but you can take turns pampering each other the rest of the day.

7. Do the $5 challenge! Give each other the most romantic gifts you can find for $5 or less.

From Rev. magazine, ©2001. Group Publishing Inc., Box 481, Loveland, Colorado, 80539. Reprinted by permission.

MarriagePartnership.com Surveys:

How many times did you eat out together last week?

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1-3 times: 51%
4-6 times: 8%
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More than 10 times: 2%

This question was answered by 835 readers.

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Couples Devotional

Whom Did You Marry?

In our little apartment in St. Louis, Thanne went to bed at precisely nine o'clock every night. No matter the difference of the days, some harder and some easier. No matter the marvelous conversations she cut short to get her sleep. And she always laid her clothes out neatly! Thanne's prearranged, punctilious life seemed to me compulsive, cold routine. I, on the other hand, was to her a stunning mess, so unpredictable as to be unreliable. And how, in the name of cleanli-godliness, could I contrive to strew dirty socks through every room of the apartment? What had I married? A machine? What had she married? An adolescent?

In marriage, idealization will surely run upon realization. The question is not how we might avoid this crisis, because we can't. The question, rather, is what work is required to meet the crisis and to grow by it? For if we think that this revelation of the real spouse is the final truth of our mate and our marriage—and that we've made a dreadful mistake, therefore—then we will move to alienation, one from the other. But if we take this as a natural step in the process of growing together, we may, with clear sight, move toward acceptance and accommodation of each other.

By Walter Wangerin, Jr. From the Couples Devotional Bible. (Zondervan)

Read more articles that highlight writing by Christian women at ChristianityToday.com/Women

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Husbands; Marriage; Romance; Sex
Today's Christian Woman, Fall, 2001
Posted September 30, 2008

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