Q & A

Baby Battles,Married Strangers and a Man without Ambition

Q - My wife had two children when I married her, and back then I agreed that our family was complete. But lately my desire for a child of my own has been growing. My wife feels angry and threatened when I talk about it. How can I get her to want another baby?

A - I can't advise you to do anything to get your wife to "want another baby." You can, of course, make it a matter of prayer that God might put that desire in her. But breaking your earlier agreement and forcing your wife into a parenting situation that she doesn't desire is a prescription for future trouble.

When you married, you knew your wife had two children. You accepted the "terms" back then, so why are you reneging on the agreement now? If you are feeling a sense of personal emptiness, or if there's an emptiness in your marriage, a child won't fill that gap. If anything, children exacerbate any existing marital problems.

Ask yourself, "Why do I feel incomplete?" Do you feel you have contributed less to your marriage because your wife brought in children, but you did not? Look for the roots of any feelings of inadequacy, impotence or poor self-esteem. Working on these is a better plan than trying to get your wife to change her mind about having a third child.

Then remember that your wife chose to marry you as you were. Enjoy that relationship, keep your promises and see what develops.

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Dreams; Goals; Marriage; Parenting; Step-parenting
Today's Christian Woman, Summer, 1997
Posted September 12, 2008

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