Real Sex

Oral Sex, Anti-Climax and Pain vs. Desire

Is oral sex wrong between married partners? I've talked to a couple of Christian friends about this, and the consensus is that men are generally for it, while women are generally against it. So who's right? Is there a biblical answer?

Louis: Your observation is correct. When couples don't agree on oral sex, the men tend to be the ones who are for it. But in our counseling experience, we find about as many couples who say they practice some type of oral sex as those who don't. Generally the problem is not so much with cunnilingus (the husband stimulating his wife with genital kisses) but with fellatio (the wife stimulating her husband's penis by mouth).

The wife's resistance may be explained by a variety of causes. Rarely is it related to childhood sexual abuse where she was forced into fellatio. Sometimes a wife is responding negatively to insistent demands by her husband, which feel threatening to her. Also, there is often a revulsion to the idea of oral sex because of uncleanliness and strong genital odors.

Medically, the practice is generally safe unless there are infectious genital lesions (e.g. herpes, condyloma, chancres, etc.). These call for medical treatment. However, the anal area is not sterile and should be avoided in sexual play.

Biblically, there is no clear directive. Some verses in Song of Solomon seem to suggest oral sex, and Hebrews 13:4 might imply that any mutually agreeable behavior between husband and wife is sanctioned. The Levitical laws that carry the most explicit sexual directives and prohibitions do not mention oral sex.

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Marriage; Marriage Struggles; Sex
Today's Christian Woman, Summer, 1997
Posted September 12, 2008

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