I'm tired of being told I'm missing out on great sex.
I am a 38-year-old very happily married man with two boys who have frequent flyer miles at the emergency room, a baby girl who is listed as "Head of the House" on tax forms, and a home with revolving doors for neighbor kids. I'm in good health, eat well (as long as chips are considered a food group), and work out at TaeKwonDo (with my boys) several times a week. My wife is a loving, beautiful woman who excites me more today than when we married ten years ago.
So what's wrong with my sex life? According to the cultural messages that bombard me, I couldn't possibly have enough self-esteem to fully enjoy a sexual relationship because I don't have a wash-board stomach, my teeth are not whiter-than-white, and, worst of all, I have a receding hairline. And, since my wife has never had laser resurfacing for wrinkles or any type of breast augmentation, my sexual satisfaction score just couldn't be that high.
You may have guessed that I am not a poster boy for the Hair Club for Men. One of their ads shows a young man lamenting his hair loss. "Whenever I stopped at a red light," he says, "I felt like everyone around me was staring at my bald spot." Give me a break! I have never felt that anybody was staring at my ever-lengthening forehead. If my fly was down, maybe. Still, all the ads end with some statement about increased self-confidence and then (tah-dah) show the formerly bald guy with a half-naked woman on his arm. The moral? Get a full head of hair, you'll get a "beautiful" girl who is more than willing to have sex with you.1